@goatsandroses Some alternative solutions might not be that obvious when that stressed, and in the middle of things. I was in a very similar situation to you OP, long hours, travel, stress that used to be life affirming, now becoming overwhelming...... and it was affecting my mental health, my family life, and my self-worth. (in hindsight there was also some unpleasant compeititveness in our org, that I didn't play into)There are option, that seem obvious to me now that I am in a better place, that didn't even occur to me at the time....I took the option you are considering....I went to leave the company, for a less stressful role....and handed in my notice.... but was offered a change of role, and at last minute I changed my mind and stayed.... ( I dont know if that was right...) I took a less stressful role in same employer, but I don't know if that was the right move either. It can be hard when you were senior to be seen to step back, and it can feel career limiting, (rationally it shouldn't matter, but we are monkeys and sometimes/somewhere in the uglier parts of our brain ranking matters, no matter what our rational brain tells us....it can feel that way, and certainly is seen that way by some toxic folk.) I took a role that was at best a lateral move, but really a step back, but it was with folk I enjoy, on topics I was interested in and I had a a year and half of very little stress... and got to spend time with kids, and I do not regret it... I am beginning to step up again at work, and made another move back to original type of role, parts of me wonder if I should, and i know there are questions over my head among some who see what I did as a weakness......., that said, the folk who have those questions are the ones to avoid, and those who understand life stages, are very understanding, and I get the impression almost see the break I took as a sign of strength...so I think I have naturally found the leaders who have a little empathy, that way. (I might be a little rose tinted that way)I am beginning to start to go back on the path I was known for, and yes it did come at a cost to my career progression, but I am getting to be ok with that now also.
Options I didn't consider when I was in the middle of it, but that I now wish I had considered, were:
- Taking parental leave. God I wish I had just done this for a bit..
- just slacking off a little with what I was doing, and being kinder to myself. I was burning candle at both ends, no one really appreciated that, and frankly those for whom I was covering, or those who never worked like I did, continue and progress in similar roles anyway.. slacking off a little might be a very, very valid answer, sometimes all it needs is to learn to say no to a few things.
- Asking for a change of role at work, but framing it not as I am struggling in my current role, but that I need to change for development and balance. And stipulating I would like less travel. (My manager denied me this, but I could and should have gone around him....)
- I had a manager who showed me and others very little empathy........ I should have looked to change from him sooner.
Also, not wanting to blame my former manager who is human, and was probably doing his best, I wonder if two children under 3 and travel probably means your sleep cycle is badly messed up..then the stress creates a feedback loop here messing it up further. This is what I see in hindsight also hit me..hard... and I was not aware of it at the time, and my poor wife was also suffering the same. Prioritizing sleep, self care and exercise over work, TV, comfort eating, and other distractions. Is something I am better at now. After having a major mental wobble when I went to leave, I went to therapist. Honestly, there are things I needed to say, or express, that should not be said at work, to friends, or even to a partner, that I found helpful to fully explore, with them.........it wont give you solutions.. but, it might make you feel better and more capable to find them.. I wish I had done is sooner or for longer...Best of luck..