abbasdaughter57
New member
@whisperpoetry I’ve never had $50k in savings but I certainly could afford a newborn.
Source: am mother
Source: am mother
Kids
- Thread starter perpetuah
- Start date
@abbasdaughter57 Same. (Let he among us who has $50k in savings cast the first stone)
christianmechanic
New member
@abbasdaughter57 Forreal. Even if you had 50k in savings you would need more than that to have savings leftover for the baby.
resjudicata
New member
@whisperpoetry Or foster kids
@perpetuah Have you ever watched Friends? I watched it a million times growing up as a child and one of the biggest "life lessons" I learned was when Monica told Chandler "there's always a reason not to have a baby" but once the baby comes, you'll learn to make it work. Chandler wanted to wait because of his new job and no money. I really felt Monica's sentiment as I grew older. I'm not mature enough, I'm not rich enough, I'm not fit enough, my house isn't big enough, etc. When the time came where EMOTIONALLY I felt ready, I told my husband about the episode and he understood the sentiment as well. We definitely struggle of course, but at the same time, baby girl also keeps us going. There's never a perfect time to have a baby
I also think about my parents sometimes. They immigrated to America when I was 6 and they were 30 (my age now). No money, no language, no job... What. On. Earth. How did they make it work? I'm so impressed by them. It gives me strength, I can do it too
I also think about my parents sometimes. They immigrated to America when I was 6 and they were 30 (my age now). No money, no language, no job... What. On. Earth. How did they make it work? I'm so impressed by them. It gives me strength, I can do it too
sarahannxo
New member
@joshua371 This is so so so true! When we conceived my first baby it was an accident. We were living in a basement apartment where we cooked with a toaster oven and hot plate, and washed our dishes in the dang bathtub. My husband insisted we had to give her up for adoption because there was just no way we could make it work. Even before her I was checking my bank account at the grocery store self checkout. We were like 2k above the annual threshold for housing assistance and WIC and Medicaid. So we had to pay full price for everything but the take home pay we had was getting nowhere in a HCOL area. We definitely seemed screwed. But we made it work
And when I wanted a second one there was never going to be a time my husband was fully comfortable, because there’s no right time. But we just did it, and made it work again
And when I wanted a second one there was never going to be a time my husband was fully comfortable, because there’s no right time. But we just did it, and made it work again
@joshua371 That's very true indeed. You really hit home with that, on my end as well. Thank you!!!
@perpetuah I was making $28k when we accidentally conceived our first child. Abortion was absolutely discussed. My husband is a numbers guy and believed we needed to be earning 100k and own our own home. He is very rational. We had the baby. She needed a surgery that was expensive. Medical debt. My job covered daycare costs basically. Got a better job. We cut out all alcohol, tobacco and coffee spending and ate beans and rice and Ramen and pb&j. Both of us lost jobs. Got new ones. I was too ashamed to apply for any kind of help, ever.
All that shit happened and we are OK. Kid is 6 and love of our lives. Maybe one day she'll hate us for not earning more like some folks feel about their mom and dad. I earn 70k now. Parenting isn't right for many people but if I had missed out on this insane ride, I'd regret it. I'll take all your downvotes now.
All that shit happened and we are OK. Kid is 6 and love of our lives. Maybe one day she'll hate us for not earning more like some folks feel about their mom and dad. I earn 70k now. Parenting isn't right for many people but if I had missed out on this insane ride, I'd regret it. I'll take all your downvotes now.
@perpetuah Do you work? All I can think about a newborn’s expenses is food (formula if you’re not breast feeding) and childcare if you have to go back to work after maternity leave (reusable diapers help save a ton and you can get second hand items or free clothing from mom groups with grown kids). There will definitely be more expenses as they grow older but that won’t be an immediate concern until 3-5 years later, which if planned properly, gives you and your husband some breathing room to gather more funds and savings.
You will however need an emergency fund incase either one of you fall sick or lose your ability to work. It will be tight! You may also want to rethink if you want to bring a child into the world while having to work (if your husband cannot support the family on his income alone), and if you’re okay with the possibility of being a single parent or missing out on time spent with your baby.
Imo, if you still want children after everything, and with your fertility issue, there is no harm in trying for a year… because we never know if it will even happen. My heart goes out to you and I hope everything works out!
You will however need an emergency fund incase either one of you fall sick or lose your ability to work. It will be tight! You may also want to rethink if you want to bring a child into the world while having to work (if your husband cannot support the family on his income alone), and if you’re okay with the possibility of being a single parent or missing out on time spent with your baby.
Imo, if you still want children after everything, and with your fertility issue, there is no harm in trying for a year… because we never know if it will even happen. My heart goes out to you and I hope everything works out!
resjudicata
New member
@perpetuah I understand your frustration I'm actually in the process of helping my sister who wants kids I'll be donating what eggs I have left and it's going cost around $20k at least for the entire process start to finish. God bless you 
@perpetuah My husband and I made a combined 65K living in a tiny apartment in SoCal (LA county) when my first was born. We made it work. It was very tough, but we worked through it. Oldest is almost 6 now, and we make a combined 160K and own a home. Circumstances can change, I wouldn't change anything for the world. I love our little family and even when it was tough, it was still great.
oaktree500
New member
@perpetuah As someone who waited until mid 30’s to try because of this very reason, please don’t wait years to try to have kids if you want them. I was diagnosed with stage 4 estrogen progesterone based cancer at 42, and had to have a bilateral mastectomy and complete hysterectomy and oopherectomy. I will never have a child, and it’s one of the greatest regrets of my life. If your partner doesn’t want a child with you, it may not be the partner for you. I wish I had tried younger and sooner, but it was me who wanted to wait until we were more financially stable. So I used an estrogen based birth control pill that I was told was a small amount of estrogen and extremely safe. Guess what? It wasn’t. Google Fred Hutch Cancer center, breast cancer and birth control pill study.
I have also read several articles about progesterone based IUD causing cancer, and I also know several women from my previous fertility group who had pelvic inflammatory issues after an IUD for one to two years. The argument is often that it’s very rare, but from my research it’s actually not. 1 in 3 Americans will get cancer in their lifetimes anyway, and 1 in 8 get breast cancer, I think we need to be aware of the risks regarding birth control related to this.
Also Informative-
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna75286
https://www.beckershospitalreview.c...-way-to-determine-breast-cancer-severity.html
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/hormon...ncreased-breast-cancer-risk/story?id=51619698
I have also read several articles about progesterone based IUD causing cancer, and I also know several women from my previous fertility group who had pelvic inflammatory issues after an IUD for one to two years. The argument is often that it’s very rare, but from my research it’s actually not. 1 in 3 Americans will get cancer in their lifetimes anyway, and 1 in 8 get breast cancer, I think we need to be aware of the risks regarding birth control related to this.
Also Informative-
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcna75286
https://www.beckershospitalreview.c...-way-to-determine-breast-cancer-severity.html
http://abcnews.go.com/Health/hormon...ncreased-breast-cancer-risk/story?id=51619698
@oaktree500 Oh goodness, that is scary. Oddly enough, my mom was having this VERY conversation with me Saturday. My cousin (same age) on my dads side just got dx with ovarian cancer, her mom had it as well. She will forever be unable to have kids of her own. Though she was always of the "kids free" mindset. Her doctor requested that any other cousins get tested. My mom was telling me about this and my need to test for the gene but either way, I guess we never truly know. The risks are always there. I am so, so, so sorry you are and have had to go through this. Sending you bunches of love! I will most definitely look at this when I get home. Thank you for sharing!!
resjudicata
New member
@perpetuah Also as someone in the medical field- I don’t want to I invalidate your doctors findings and suggestions or give you false hope, but I’ve met some women who were told they’re infertile due to PCOS, age… and then it happened and they were pregnant. One woman I know has PCOS and was still able to give birth to three healthy children.
missmelbournian
New member
@perpetuah You could be foster parents. Do good and get a stipend to help financially