Weddings

[theological1988]

@mimi24 Usually you are expected to gift the price of your “plate”. In 2023 the average US wedding cost $35k and had 115 attendees. The bride and groom are roughly paying $304 per person on average. A $100 gift isn’t unreasonable if you are in driving distance. If you fly they shouldn’t expect a gift. You can always say no and the bride and groom save more than $100 in costs (there are fixed costs so you can’t allocate all $304 to being saved if you skip the wedding but they would save at least $100). To answer the common, “The wedding is a party for them why do I have to pay” The honeymoon is for the couple, the wedding is for the community around/supporting the couple so it’s expected to help share cost or don’t attend.

The wedding industry was one of the worst hit as far as inflation. Price gouging has happened because there was an influx in couples waiting over the pandemic. Now that the demand has gone back to normal you still have an industry expecting crazy prices.

I imagine the issue with your friend being upset has to do with you being potentially in the bridal party rather than being a simple guest? Regardless her reaction is a bad look by her not you.

Overall tho if you cant afford to come just say no, you saying no is probably the last thing on most couples minds right now. Plus a lot of couples have back ups they can invite to fill the slot if you respond with no early enough.

 

[heartofholiness]

@theological1988 I think this is ridiculous. Maybe cause I’m older but I absolutely would never have been able to gift the cost of my plate and, don’t think I should have to. When I got married in the 80’s, we did everything to take the cost burden off of people. I rented bridesmaids dresses and paid for them. I didn’t expect the cost of their plate from anyone. What I chose to spend on my wedding was on me and I didn’t expect a dime from the community. I even had an open, full bar. I don’t understand how a bride and groom can expect the community to pay for their lavish ( possibly foolish) choices. Also, all these parties and expenses are ridiculous. If someone had been unable to come due to finances, I would have understood.

 

[_jordan_]

@mimi24 I actually see an invitation to a destination wedding as not just narcissistic, but hostile. Just say no, and don't give it another thought.

 

[browning]

@_jordan_ lol hostile. Accurate.

 

[orphideus]

@mimi24 You certainly don't have to attend everything you are invited to, no matter what your reasoning is.

 

[prestontg]

@mimi24 Personally I think it's tacky and unfair to ask friends to pay for your wedding, gifts should be optional. Paying for the wedding should be for the parents and family to think about (if they're able to), I would feel so weird expecting friends to pay for anything to attend my wedding.

 

[westozzie]

@mimi24 You have a lot of friends though!

 

[mimi24]

@westozzie That’s one positive

 

[neochris]

@mimi24 I’m getting married this year. We’re having a potluck wedding and asking for people to bring something to share instead of a present. Saves us money saves them money. Will update how that works out after 9/21

 

[smod]

@mimi24 A good friend understands the word no.

 

[thegingersnap16]

@mimi24 I’ve been married 35 years and lost touch with many people who attended our wedding. I had 3 non-relative bridesmaids and am still super close with only one of them. I’m also very close to several friends who didn’t attend our wedding

REAL friends may be disappointed you won’t be there and will understand why.

Also it’s really important that you set your own goals now. It doesn’t stop with weddings. Wait until they start having kids!

 

[alektra]

@mimi24 Just don't go.

 

[unitedwestand000000]

@mimi24 as others said, if anyone is not understanding of your financial situation then theyre not worth considering a friend. this is a good time to learn that the people you grew up with and who were your friends may not continue to be so into adulthood.

 

[stevent2323]

@mimi24 say no and prio your future

 

[masterofjuice]

@mimi24 i never even been to a wedding