fulfillingmypromise
New member
Hi guys, hope all is well. I'm having an issue I had for well over 3 years now (since 2020).
My background - 28M, parents divorced and have been living with my grandparents since tadika till form 5. Coming from average family and I learn started to learn and save/invest since 26y/o.
Dad - never really spent time with him ever since I was young until 2020 when I moved in with him. Remarried and I have a younger sister now.
Mom - Canada citizenship however visits me every year for holiday and we spend time together during her visit to Malaysia. Thankfully she's doing well, she helped me to pay off my Proton Saga car loan in full. Providing me a breathing space to save more money.
Here's the issues -
My dad has never been good with money, borrowed here and there (family, friends and myself) and never paid back. This includes selling jewelries belonged to my grandma's without her notice. Ever since I was in primary, I have been walking to AEON Jusco (15 mins walk from grandparent's house) to bank in money via ATM to my dad (money from angpow). Amount isn't a lot (RM50/RM100) once every month. Since 2020 till 2023, my dad hasn't been stable with his job either, will work for a few months only to resign due to (bad management, bad colleagues, toxic environment).
I started my first job during MCO, bought a 2nd-hand card (Myvi) myself with cash and got myself a credit card (and subbed one to my dad under my name) so he could use to buy whatever is necessary for the household and his own use. At the beginning, he pays back everything in full on whatever amount he uses. Bear in mind, my stepmom is working with only 5k to support my dad and my younger sister (14 y/o now).
Things got better for myself, and bought a new 2021 Proton Saga. Until they decide to put my sister into an international school (RM23k fees/year) and they have to pay once every 6 months. My dad asked me for 4k to "borrow" them and they will repay me 1k every month from my auntie's salary and I did without hesitation considering I know i'll not get the money back (however I hoped I will) and till today they have not repaid me any amount.
- Knowing we couldn't afford but my stepmom is VERY persistent to put my younger sis into an international school, everytime my dad brought up this conversation to put her into government school, they would argue -
Days, weeks, and months passes by I gave my dad close to RM500 every month (on top of his allowance of RM150/month until 2022, not a lot but it's what I can afford to give considering he isn't working). And when it's time to pay my younger sis school fees, they will rake up the credit card till 4k++ (max 5k limit) and only to pay the "minimum amount" every month cause they couldn't afford to pay more than minimum due to school fees, household stuff and etc. My credit card has been seating at 4k+- for over a year+ and without the ability to pay it off, my CTOS score dropped from Very Good > Poor and I was super upset about the situation considering he promised he'll pay back the amount he uses, but didnt. At this point of time, I folk out close to 11k to my dad just to "help him"
That's when I decided to pay off my credit card (using my own savings) but I was very disappointed/angry towards my dad and stepmom consindering I'm paying for something that I didn't use. I even had to help to pay rental + electricity bills (cause we got an warning letter from TNB) totaling up to RM2.7k. Hence, one day I decide to call my dad into my room to discuss this personally to tell him that I feel unfair to pay things that I did not use. He said and I quote "Why can't you be more understanding of our situation? You know we are going through hard time, why can't you be more lenient?" and I was furious, considering he said I didn't understand him, but why he can't understand me that all these while I've been helping him financially? I just said "Ok" and moved on, any words from me would lead to an argument with him.
- I have been looking around to purchase a new home (looking to purchase condo around 400k and I have 20% downpayment ready, 10% mom and 10% myself) to move out and I've told my dad countless times that I needed the money back to do whatever I need to do later on, and he promised he will pay back. But deep down, I got the feeling he wouldn't, even if he did it won't be full amount.
So now that he got a permanent job, he promised to pay what he owes on a monthly basis (starting this month, August) but I just feel he wouldn't, and if he really did not pay me back, what should I do? This has been on-going for many years and I have never been really happy when I'm at home with him, constantly thinking if he will ever repay me back the money he owes. I have even been to therapy to figure this issue out but never really helped.
Sincere apologies for the long post, but really hope you could give me some advises on what I should do next? Thank you and I wish you have a great day ahead.
My background - 28M, parents divorced and have been living with my grandparents since tadika till form 5. Coming from average family and I learn started to learn and save/invest since 26y/o.
Dad - never really spent time with him ever since I was young until 2020 when I moved in with him. Remarried and I have a younger sister now.
Mom - Canada citizenship however visits me every year for holiday and we spend time together during her visit to Malaysia. Thankfully she's doing well, she helped me to pay off my Proton Saga car loan in full. Providing me a breathing space to save more money.
Here's the issues -
My dad has never been good with money, borrowed here and there (family, friends and myself) and never paid back. This includes selling jewelries belonged to my grandma's without her notice. Ever since I was in primary, I have been walking to AEON Jusco (15 mins walk from grandparent's house) to bank in money via ATM to my dad (money from angpow). Amount isn't a lot (RM50/RM100) once every month. Since 2020 till 2023, my dad hasn't been stable with his job either, will work for a few months only to resign due to (bad management, bad colleagues, toxic environment).
I started my first job during MCO, bought a 2nd-hand card (Myvi) myself with cash and got myself a credit card (and subbed one to my dad under my name) so he could use to buy whatever is necessary for the household and his own use. At the beginning, he pays back everything in full on whatever amount he uses. Bear in mind, my stepmom is working with only 5k to support my dad and my younger sister (14 y/o now).
Things got better for myself, and bought a new 2021 Proton Saga. Until they decide to put my sister into an international school (RM23k fees/year) and they have to pay once every 6 months. My dad asked me for 4k to "borrow" them and they will repay me 1k every month from my auntie's salary and I did without hesitation considering I know i'll not get the money back (however I hoped I will) and till today they have not repaid me any amount.
- Knowing we couldn't afford but my stepmom is VERY persistent to put my younger sis into an international school, everytime my dad brought up this conversation to put her into government school, they would argue -
Days, weeks, and months passes by I gave my dad close to RM500 every month (on top of his allowance of RM150/month until 2022, not a lot but it's what I can afford to give considering he isn't working). And when it's time to pay my younger sis school fees, they will rake up the credit card till 4k++ (max 5k limit) and only to pay the "minimum amount" every month cause they couldn't afford to pay more than minimum due to school fees, household stuff and etc. My credit card has been seating at 4k+- for over a year+ and without the ability to pay it off, my CTOS score dropped from Very Good > Poor and I was super upset about the situation considering he promised he'll pay back the amount he uses, but didnt. At this point of time, I folk out close to 11k to my dad just to "help him"
That's when I decided to pay off my credit card (using my own savings) but I was very disappointed/angry towards my dad and stepmom consindering I'm paying for something that I didn't use. I even had to help to pay rental + electricity bills (cause we got an warning letter from TNB) totaling up to RM2.7k. Hence, one day I decide to call my dad into my room to discuss this personally to tell him that I feel unfair to pay things that I did not use. He said and I quote "Why can't you be more understanding of our situation? You know we are going through hard time, why can't you be more lenient?" and I was furious, considering he said I didn't understand him, but why he can't understand me that all these while I've been helping him financially? I just said "Ok" and moved on, any words from me would lead to an argument with him.
- I have been looking around to purchase a new home (looking to purchase condo around 400k and I have 20% downpayment ready, 10% mom and 10% myself) to move out and I've told my dad countless times that I needed the money back to do whatever I need to do later on, and he promised he will pay back. But deep down, I got the feeling he wouldn't, even if he did it won't be full amount.
So now that he got a permanent job, he promised to pay what he owes on a monthly basis (starting this month, August) but I just feel he wouldn't, and if he really did not pay me back, what should I do? This has been on-going for many years and I have never been really happy when I'm at home with him, constantly thinking if he will ever repay me back the money he owes. I have even been to therapy to figure this issue out but never really helped.
Sincere apologies for the long post, but really hope you could give me some advises on what I should do next? Thank you and I wish you have a great day ahead.