After years of survival and subsistence jobs, working hard to get out of debt, and finally getting a mortgage in a medium cost of living area, we're dealing with a new phase of budgeting in our marriage— and I'm wondering if some of you have worked out a clever way to handle the tension of different feelings about money in your marriage.
Our situation currently is that I make twice as much as my husband in a job that makes me pretty miserable. He's emotionally supportive of me making a change, but just... won't engage with the realities of how we wouldn't be able to cover our bills if I did that. His current job is good for him, and he's less flexible than I am with what he'll tolerate at work, so him changing jobs isn't really on the table.
I've been trying to figure out ways to help share the pressure I'm feeling, like asking us each to pay half of our shared expenses from our separate paychecks just to get him to process that we would need to make real changes for me to scale back, but I don't want to feel controlling or nickel-and-diming, and I would much rather find a way to feel like we're in this together.
Generally my husband is a very kind and considerate person, a hard worker, and frugal about most things, he just has an insane level of fear and avoidance about engaging with money at all. Has anyone worked through this yourself, or with a partner?
Our situation currently is that I make twice as much as my husband in a job that makes me pretty miserable. He's emotionally supportive of me making a change, but just... won't engage with the realities of how we wouldn't be able to cover our bills if I did that. His current job is good for him, and he's less flexible than I am with what he'll tolerate at work, so him changing jobs isn't really on the table.
I've been trying to figure out ways to help share the pressure I'm feeling, like asking us each to pay half of our shared expenses from our separate paychecks just to get him to process that we would need to make real changes for me to scale back, but I don't want to feel controlling or nickel-and-diming, and I would much rather find a way to feel like we're in this together.
Generally my husband is a very kind and considerate person, a hard worker, and frugal about most things, he just has an insane level of fear and avoidance about engaging with money at all. Has anyone worked through this yourself, or with a partner?