Looking for opinions on shared finances in my relationship

[theologypoet]

@trang1966 This is a great perspective, thank you

 

[alwayscurious]

@theologypoet Then it’s not all “our money”. Why does he feel that he needs to bank money separately. You say you manage the finances, do you have the final say in money management decisions?

 

[theologypoet]

@alwayscurious I think perhaps he feels that I do. This is a good discussion point for me to raise with him

 

[christydee]

@theologypoet I think the best option here is you keep separate accounts and then each put a certain amount per month into a joint account to use for joint expenses. Ie if your total expenses are about 4k per month, then you should each contribute 2k into the joint account.

This is what my husband and I did when initially married, before we bought our house. When we bought our house and got pregnant, he was being paid weekly and I was getting paid monthly, so it was just easier to dump all our money into joint accounts (his salary technically covers day to day costs while I use mine for house updates or to build our savings etc)

However, I think your partner is being silly because he never had a problem with using your money that you earned. And it's definitely more of a relationship discussion than strictly financial, especially since a lot of relationship issues start with financial disagreements.

Specifically, what does he think he's going to do with 30k per year? Take solo holidays and leave you alone? It seems there is more going on and it isn't fair to you.

 

[johnnyusa59]

@christydee Yeah seconding this.

I don’t think it’s bad to have separate money at all as long as everyone is contributing to shared goal.

In my relationship, my partner and I each have our own regular checking and savings and a HYSA. Together we have a joint checking account for shared expenses which are connected to specific shared credit cards.

We’re planning to buy a house soon so we’ll get a joint HYSA to pay into specifically for emergency house funds.

We aren’t married but no plans to fully merge finances. If we have children and one of us isn’t working, we would still have separate accounts with the working partner also contributing to the non working partners savings/retirement.

We currently make the same amount but if someone was making more money, we’d discuss different percentages contributions to the shared account. I would consider side hustle money as part of that income.

 

[nhule8805]

@johnnyusa59 Dating and marriage are totally different. Your “partner” is legally nothing to you. The way one acts in marriage is different so your life isn’t really a good model to follow herez

 

[johnnyusa59]

@nhule8805 Ok.