New military spouse and worried about finances.

[abaddonthedestroyer]

First of all I’d like to say right off the bat. I know. I know I fucked up too by not being on top of this. I have a lot of deep rooted anxiety and trauma when it comes to money and finances. I’m working on it.

ANYWAYS.

My husband decided to join the army last year. He’s been working on his warrant officer packet for a long time and I’d never seen him work so hard for something. I had my doubts about him joining because I’m a sahm of two and we aren’t in a great place financially. He basically said if he got accepted and didn’t get to do this he’d forever regret it and that we would probably end up getting divorced because he’d be so unhappy.

I asked him to make sure we would be ok financially. He mostly handles our finances and I raise our boys/take care of the home. Like I said, I should’ve been more aware and prepared.

We have about 44k in debt (I had no idea it was that much.) it’s credit cards, one loan, and medical bills because both our sons had extended hospital stays.

Before he officially joined I was throwing around the idea of bankruptcy to him because we are constantly struggling trying to keep up with our bills in this economy. He was scared that filing would affect his chances of getting a security clearance and said that maybe we can talk about it after he’s already in it. But that we had to keep up on all our payments so it doesn’t get affected.

I asked several times detailed questions on how much he’d get paid/bah/base pay just trying to make sure we’d be ok when he left. We got a decent amount in taxes that he thought would help us or last while he went into basic and WOCs.

He left for basic March 4 and I’ve been keeping an eye on our bank account and noticed it dwindling pretty fast. So despite my RUTHLESS phobia of finances I decided enough was enough and went through everything.

And holy shit. We have about 3,300 in payments each month. I’ve only gotten one check from his base pay so far and it was around 735. I read it can take months for BAH to kick in as well. Even when it does kick in, that combined with two 735 checks will NOT be enough to cover all of our payments let alone food, diapers, formula etc.

Now I’m spiraling into a pit of deep self resentment for not going further into detail before he joined. But he had me convinced it would all work out.

I’m going to have to skip some payments or else we won’t be able to pay rent or buy food.

My questions are: Will getting behind on some payments affect his chances of WOCs and flight school? Would filing for bankruptcy after he graduated basic completely ruin his chances as well?

I’m reading mixed things about it. Some say it does affect your security clearance and some says it doesn’t as long as you’re not in debt for something sketchy and that filing for bankruptcy can be a good thing by showing you’re trying to be responsible and take care of your financial situation.

There’s no way we can survive on his pay with all our debt. I would love to be able to work to help but we have no help with the kids. I don’t have family available and we obviously cannot afford childcare.

I’m at a loss. I obviously can only speak to him once a week and haven’t been able to speak to him yet since I found all this out. I really don’t want to ruin his chances and upset him but I need to feed my kids.

 

[kitty346]

@abaddonthedestroyer I’m sorry you’re in this position.

My first suggestion is to contact all creditors and request SCRA benefits. The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act requires that lenders lower the interest rate on debt to 6% when someone goes on active duty. If you aren’t authorized on any of his accounts and don’t have a power of attorney, he may need to do this.

Do you have your military ID card yet? The Military provides financial counselors through Military One Source and on most installations. They should be able to help you come up with a plan to get this under control. A non profit credit counseling agency (www.NFCC.org) would be another option.

A bankruptcy isn’t an automatic disqualification for a security clearance. I can’t say for sure what it worse, but it would make sense that unmanaged, delinquent debt would be a bigger red flag than a bankruptcy that’s on track.

 

[abaddonthedestroyer]

@kitty346 Thank you for your response!

Will SCRA apply to my accounts that he’s not on? Or just his? Up until he left we kept every thing separated and I had my own two cards and a loan while I was still working.

I don’t have my ID yet I need to make an appointment to go get it. I just got all the info in the mail last week.

 

[riiku4]

@abaddonthedestroyer Make an appointment - pronto.

 

[ftkpower]

@abaddonthedestroyer As a spouse, you should fall under MLA:

https://www.consumerfinance.gov/con...ools/servicemembers/military-lending-act-mla/

 

[ocm]

@abaddonthedestroyer all the advice you have been given is good except for one. please do not contact his chain of command while he is in basic training or in AIT unless there is a medical emergency. those training environments are not the typical chain of command where one can expect to get mentoring and support. basic and ait are filtering mechanisms, and he very well could find himself on the wrong side of the filter if he is otherwise having any type of difficulty (which he is unlikely to tell you about in the few moments he has to chat with you).

also, there isn’t anything the chain of command can do. they can’t change his pay and they can’t accelerate his bah/bas/bonus. for the time being, you will
have to triage this for survival using the tips others have shared here.

as you develop your budget and cash flow beyond near term survival, plan for the pay and benefits of whatever rank he currently has. it’s a highly selective process to became a warrant officer even for candidates with degrees and certifications. maybe he will get a chance, but there are thousands of applicants who don’t.

the dod pay scale is here: https://militarypay.defense.gov/Portals/3/Documents/ActiveDutyTables/2024 Pay Table-Capped-FINAL.pdf

the bah rate can be looked up here: https://www.travel.dod.mil/Allowances/Basic-Allowance-for-Housing/BAH-Rate-Lookup/

while he is in basic and ait, he will get bah based on the zip code that his dependents are living. once he has accompanied orders to a base and his dependents are there with him, he will get the bah rate for that locality.

here is a monthly worksheet to help project finances for each month: https://finred.usalearning.gov/assets/downloads/FINRED-Spendingplan-TK.pdf

here is another resource designed specifically for military spouses. https://www.milspousemoneymission.org/

i applaud you for taking ownership of your family’s financial security.

 

[ocm]

@abaddonthedestroyer this next advice is not urgent so put it aside until you get through the survival triage of the next few months.

1. get credit reports for you and your spouse. review those for any unknown accounts. there might be accounts he forgot about or that he didn’t tell you about.
2. try to put away some funds in a savings and checking account in your name only, and don’t share that info with him. it doesn’t need to be much—just enough to allow you to keep your kids fed and housed in the event that something goes wrong in your marriage.
3. open a roth ira for you and make spousal contributions monthly. have the funds invest in a target date fund until you have a chance to learn about investing. a small amount over a long period of time will provide some financial stability to your future.
4. be at least an equal partner in managing finances, and have periodic “state of the union” meetings to discuss financial goals, cash flow projections, debt reduction, saving for children’s education, etc. no doubt your husband did his best, but you see what his best effort resulted in.
5. open 529 plans for each of your children and make regular small contributions. have the investment be in a target date option based on the child’s age. for birthdays and holidays, ask family members to consider making contributions in lieu of toys. a little bit over a long time adds up with compounding returns.
6. check out the resources at r/personalfinance. listen to personal finance personalities so that you absorb definitions, strategies, and frameworks for managing personal finances. but of course, understand that they are selling their brand and their products so they are not providing advice that is necessarily in your best interest.
7. stop eating avocado toast and lattes. just kidding, those tiny expenses don’t matter if you get cash flow management, goal setting, and investing right.

best of luck.

 

[abaddonthedestroyer]

@ocm I really appreciate this!! Saving for future use! This was definitely a wake up call for me. I want to be better informed and in control of things from here on out. I love my husband more than anything but I can’t ever get into a situation like this again. I have a lot of childhood trauma with my parents when it comes to finances but going through all of ours the last couple days actually wasn’t as scary as I thought it would be. And I want to make sure my boys are set for the future. Something my parents never did or taught me. I’ve no idea about anything when it comes to investing but that will be one of my first priorities once everything gets settled down!

Thank you

 

[polcat]

@abaddonthedestroyer The army has an emergency relief organization

https://www.armyemergencyrelief.org/

Your husband can also get a career starter loan that can help through USAA as newly commissioned WO. He can consolidate his debt. The interest rate for the loan ranges from 0.75 to 2%.