Father-to-be needing advice

[shelly48]

So long story short is, I'm 28, and my wife, 27, has 3 kids, ages 7, 5 & 2 years old, from a previous relationship (I won't go into detail) and we're expecting another (ours) in 4 months time. She works Mondays to Fridays from 8 to 5 as a florist, and she earns roughly R7200 pm.

I just started a job, where I'll be earning R8000 pm, for the first 3 months, then the company will have a look at raising it.

The advice I need is this;
We have a newborn on the way. Due to circumstances, my wife's kids aren't living with us at the moment, but that is set to change in the coming future.

How can I, as the husband and father, on a combined salary of R15200 look after a family of 6?

I know I need to work out a budget, and adhere to it strictly, but there has to be other financial advice I can potentially use and implement to make it easier.

Any advice on this would be greatly appreciated

 

[fridaytony01]

@shelly48 The father of the other kids needs to be paying child support.

Government schools offer financial assistance regarding school fees - so keep all your Financials and slips so you can have proper proof of your expenses.

 

[shelly48]

@fridaytony01 Unfortunately, not possible. He's in jail doing life

 

[kris855]

@shelly48 Well your wife can apply for child grant for her kids bec if she earns below the wage criteria then she will be accepted. Plus the kids dad is in jail so i am pretty sure that qualifies her as well.

 

[sourabhsj]

@shelly48 What the hell are you doing with an M3 whose baby daddy is in prison for life @ 28?

Your main problems aren't financial decisions but rather poor decision making skills. Now you have to stress about taking care of another man's 3 children and struggle to take care of your own. Well it's too late now for different decisions as you're also part of this blended family and the heart wants what it wants I guess.

Budgeting wise all you can do is make sure to only get essentials and needs and you might be able to just scrap by, avoid any shark loans - you'll have to work hard and improve your earnings. What that looks like only you will be able to tell as it depends on skills, available opportunities, DECISION MAKING and sprinkles of good luck.

 

[faithful_blacksmith]

@sourabhsj FTFY The tollie wants what the tollie wants.

 

[ayodeji]

@shelly48 Like most of the advice here.

• Don't start vices like drinking and smoking. If you have them. Stop. They will kill your money. You don't "need" that shit in your life. Want to unwind.. Go sit outside, meditate. It's better and free.
• Keep your job. No matter what. Do the work, do it well. Find a side thing that you and your wife can do.
• Your time is literal money right now. Budget and bulk buy for everything. If you can. Ask family for support. Doesn't have to be financial. Food, toiletries. Clothes. These small things cost more than you think.
• Cloth nappies, get them. Wash them, reuse. Don't fuck about. You don't have the luxury to be squemish about things.
• Try and get 2 year old potty trained fastest.
• Stop having sex without protection. If you can't get protection.. Don't have sex. Your right (or left), will give you that post nut clarity.

Most important rule.. Don't be an asshole to the wife and kids and the future kid. You chose this life. They didn't force you into it. Do the best you can.

 

[coctien]

@shelly48 You need to increase your salary.

Be the best at work, head and shoulders above everyone else. Work towards a career plan. Wake up an hour earlier every day and improve your work skills for that hour.

Strict budget and with saving.

Build up an emergency fund. Don’t make loans, or store / credit cards where you don’t pay in full before the interest free period.

Keep healthy.

 

[astroqualia]

@shelly48 Get a vasectomy ASAP, you can't afford the first 3, never mind your own 1, so a 5th will certainly spell doom

 

[youthpastor500]

@shelly48 My heart breaks reading those salaries. It is going to be incredibly tough to have a decent standard of living.

 

[alfiano]

@shelly48 If I were in this situation:

You need to adopt a survival mindset. More than half of South Africans make do with far less than you and your wife, and the only way to get through the next five years is to do the same. Don’t listen to the elitist comments others have made, there is nothing wrong with living a simple life.

1) Arrange free child-care with relatives.
2) Get a second job, ideally doing the same thing you are now, you shouldn’t be working less than 14 hour days for the next two years.
3) Grind hard, and also look for better opportunities in your field.
4) Zero vices. No smoking, no drinking, no drugs. A cheap takeaway or similar as a monthly treat/reward, nothing more.
5) Make use of the free clinics for healthcare. Reach out to charities in the area who may be able to point you in the right direction.
6) Downgrade food to the essentials, samp, beans, some vegetables etc. Shop at Boxer/OK/Shoprite.
7) Sell your valuables that don’t contribute to your earning potential. Gaming PC? Sold. iPhone? Replaced. Can you or your wife manage without a car? Taxi’s make it easy to get around, so sell if you have or downgrade. Put all this money in a savings account earning interest of >6%. Not sure of what bank.
8) While you don’t have the kids, you need to be saving saving saving. You and your wife should be putting away half your salary right now. Yes, half, if not more. You need savings to weather the costs of the baby and emergencies. When you have all the kids, you need to be saving R500pm for emergencies.
9) Have an open discussion with your wife about your finances and lifestyle and plan. You both need to agree. You can have goals of improving this lifestyle in five or ten years. But for now, survival. You owe it to your kids to put food on the table EVERY day. Let that be your driving force.
10) Having read your other post, when there is excess money, or even before, these kids and your wife need therapy. Reach out to GBV or kids charities for support. Beg and plead for it. They NEED it. Maybe not the two youngest right now. But everyone else.
11) Look into what gives your kids a headstart in life. Even basic things like cheap educational toys and asking your children lots of questions can significantly improve their intelligence and success. So make sure you two provide both.

 

[truthseeker52]

@shelly48 The genuine answer is that you need to earn more. There is no special trick or thing you can do to make things not incredibly tough. You're going to need to see what the priorities are because you won't be able to fulfil any of the wants. Focus on the needs.

Also, what does "look after" mean to you? You're going to need to dig into that and talk with your wife about it.

 

[amanda37]

@shelly48 Damn I wish you told us this before you had a kid or were planning for a kid is her family helping out a bit? Otherwise idk what to say this is really a tight situation

 

[shelly48]

@amanda37 We didn't plan for another kid. We had a slip-up and the protection failed. Her family can't help, as she hasn't got any to speak of, and my family is miles away, and unfortunately can afford to help us out in any way, shape, or form.

 

[lonnie159]

@shelly48 Get a vasectomy, immediately.

You cannot afford another 'slip up'.

 

[kabs]

@shelly48 I’m reading this as someone who earns more than your combined salary, husband earns about the same and we can’t even afford to have a kid. Childcare, healthcare and education are ungodly expensive. I wish I could offer you some advice but honestly I can’t . I wish you, your wife and your soon to be 4 children all the Luck in the world

 

[cami777]

@shelly48 You’re in for a rough ride dude. The most expensive thing is childcare and education. All the kids will need to study hard and do sports. Sports teach you humility and good grades do get you places. Don’t borrow money u Der any circumstances rather buy second hand. I buy almost every I can for my little second hand then sell again usually for about the same price when don’t need it anymore. Speak to schools etc and ask for help. Also get the older kids to do part time jobs and contribute explain its for the family. Don’t buy luxuries like alcohol etc

 

[rgvbaptist]

@shelly48 The father/s of those kids needs to step up.
Be clear about this my man, you don't want to drown in debts and stress over that and you should definitely never feel less of a man if you can't provide to that extent.

 

[shelly48]

@rgvbaptist The father of those kids is serving a life sentence somewhere in Capetown. He got arrested about a year ago for some crazy bullshit, so unfortunately, that's not an option

 

[greenleaf62]

@shelly48 There's always a few jobs in jail!