Father-to-be needing advice

[shelly48]

@greenleaf62 There are? Hmm. . . But then how would I go about getting dude to actually get one, and make some money to contribute towards what are, legally, his kids

 

[greenleaf62]

@shelly48 Sorry, I was on the on the more humorous side of it. There are "jobs" in jail, but they have their own currency in there (not talking out of experience).

I'll add to other people's advice - sell your time for as much as possible and try to get promoted as soon as possible.

 

[shelly48]

Ah, okay. My bad. I overslept, given I was up late brainstorming our financial situation.

I'm a TIG Welder. Experienced but not qualified yet, but will be. I know that the salary for what I'm doing is low, but that IS partially my fault as I lowballed myself when asked how much I'm looking at starting the job for.

 

[peanut_wing]

@shelly48 I'd suggest figuring out a way to turn our skills into a product. Selling your time for money will exhaust you because it is limited plus you will have responsibilities at home to claim that time.

I'd start looking into options to start your own side hustle. That can eventually turn into a bigger business where you sell other things rather than your time.

Look for a need in the community that you fill. Perhaps your wife can start selling floral packages too.

Both of you start a business. Stop relying on others to tell you what you're worth.

Sell your skills and the product of that. Not your time.

 

[sheepofthefold]

@shelly48 You need to take on personal business where you can. Get a business name and use free advertising avenues like facebook or whatever to advertise that you do metal work. Make gates or fences but I believe private jobs can bring in extra money for you on weekends or after hours. Then word of mouth can lead to more work. Ask the customers that are happy with your work to please leave you a review on facebook and overtime those reviews build up and reviews about a business can make a massive difference in a client choosing your services. Overtime this could become your main hustle and you can build a company from the skill you have/gaining. When I found out I was going to be a father 2 years ago I realised my salary wasn't going to cut it and I started a side hustle and its all I do now fulltime. Its going to be hard and it is goingbto be stressful but you can do it. Your own flesh and blood child changes you man, you will go to the end of the world for that little bugger hahaha. Good luck man I really hope you come right and the universe blesses you.

 

[lorit]

@shelly48 Give your incomes, you may be eligible for certain care-dependency / child support grants. See here for more info: https://services.sassa.gov.za/portal/r/sassa/files/static/v58/GRANTSINFO2021-22.pdf

 

[christianfriend2023]

@shelly48 Not sure if her ex’s parents are still in the picture? She can claim maintenance from them seeing as it’s impossible to claim from the kids’ father. That may help a little financially.

 

[tara74]

@shelly48 Where do you live, do you pay rent and how much? Do you or your wife have parents that help out?

 

[shelly48]

@tara74 We live in Port Elizabeth. Right now she pays the rent because I only started working in the last week of March. It's around R3500 pm. My mom lives in Alberton, and she is struggling just as much, as is. And my wife doesn't have parents. We live on our own.

 

[wagrod]

@shelly48 First of all, wow. And you relationship is surviving and healthy? I earn way above that but with a girlfriend earning the same as your wife, she has a kid outside of the relationship. Everyday it’s a fight on top of another fight about how little I earn, mind you I just graduated so this is my first ever job. I pay for rent, bought furniture and she suggested she will buy groceries but I sense she is getting bitter about as she raises every second she gets that she wants a girlfriend allowance. I’ll say first be grateful for having a wife - a loving and supportive person in your life. Work on getting your pay higher, some side hustles also. Don’t rely on your boss saying he’ll increase your salary, what if he doesn’t? What then? And pray to whatever or whomever you believe in- leg faith work for you. Good luck

 

[shelly48]

@wagrod We're quite happy together. We discuss everything openly, and talk through any disagreements in a civil, or even kindly way, until we come up with a solution. It's always "Us Vs. The Problems". Never "Her Vs. Me Vs. The problems".

 

[wagrod]

@shelly48 That’s beautiful man, what every man wishes for. I really wish you all the best, keep putting in the hard work at work for them to recognise you’re worth the raise. I wish you all the best.

 

[william25]

@shelly48 There's a lot of comments here which says you shouldn't have another child, shouldn't have been in this situation etc. While that's true, the past is the past so the last thing you need is to worry about it. Look ahead and do the best you can.

Practically, try and rely on all assistance as much as possible.
- Use public clinics. Most importantly, visit family clinics to ensure you don't have another child
- Go speak to schools and find out what they offer and how they can help.
- Use public transport.
- Work out what food you need for a month and buy bulk.
- Cut back on all luxuries. Buy only what you need.
- Find out where you can find 2nd hand toys and sport equipment for the kids. There are places. Schools can also help with this.
- Stop drinking and smoking if you do. This sucks but saves money
- Don't gamble (at all costs)
- Do what's practically possible and realistic to increase your income but don't beat yourself up about it. Your salary is what it is.
- Do not under any circumstances invest in any dodgy or get rich quick schemes. Keep your savings in a normal savings account at a bank.

Most of all, work hard and be present when at home. Try to make the best of it and look ahead. Belive that the future will be better. You never know what luck comes your way. Good luck!

 

[lalue]

@shelly48 Well you have 3 and one on the way. You can't change the past and the future looks challenging. Time to see what you can do now.

Firstly what is the challenges you face as things are? Is there something damaged at home that needs to be done? Door? Window? Cupboard? Get it out the way and get a repair done.

Is there stuff you don't use on a daily bases or can't replace something you already using when the time comes? Get rid of it. Storage space is always useful and more space for the coming family member.

Factory shops are a great place to find some cheaper clothing especially underwear. If it's not seen but feels comfy, who cares?

Switch to plastic cups and plates. You have kids, they will brake stuff. Plastic does scratch with enough force, but it can last years. I have a plastic juice cup I use daily for over 30 years. It's tall so don't judge me. Ain't buying a glass tumbler that size.

Look at rewards programs and the benefits. You have to pay bills and other things any way right? Is there a way to pay and earn? Like filling at Engine will get you R1 a litre back in fuel cash in a place I know(dont usually use engine). However the fuel price was pretty steep. I get it cheaper at Shell and earn a few cents on my rewards card that builds up. I think you earn points as well with some banks. Just shopping with some cards let's you build up points or cash back.

Be aware of price differences. Buying bulk may seem cheap but even at makro, I found sometimes buying stuff single is cheaper.

Travel I can't tell you much since you know your situation, but lift clubs or public trsnsport(even tho it's failing in some places) is definitely cheaper. Wear on a vehicle is usually not taken into consideration when paying for lift clubs.

Smoking or drinking certainly is a vice you can do without, but everyone needs an outlet. Set yourself a limit if you do and make sure not to go over.

Saving is hard with kids, but if you can save, don't hesitate to.

Getting extra income is certainly not easy, but you should try. Not saying get a second job but a small extra bit would help. You could do your own car pool or even buy energy drink and keep in a cooler that you or your wife could sell. Not large-scale, but a few a day should cause much trouble. Won't suggest anything else, but the idea itself should work out for you.

 

[bumble]

@shelly48 Get a hospital plan for your newborn first thing you do. Baby trips to the dr can be frequent and damn expensive. Bonitas has a good basic plan

 

[kabriana]

@shelly48 Can you give a list of your expenses so I can help with practical advice?

 

[kabriana]

I see in the comments rent is R3500 - can you share what area maybe?
And non-negotiable expenses
Electricity
Transport
Groceries
Debt - loans / credit card
Does your wife put money down for her ex

Also future potential expenses
School fees for the kids
Transport for the kids to your nearest school if it isn't walking distance

 

[groundskeeper]

@shelly48 Your post history is wild. You were living together for less than a month before she got pregnant? Or worse - it was long distance? I wish you all the best but this situation seems deeply problematic.

 

[cogito_ergo_sum]

@shelly48 its doable, but sure as hell wont be fun. you'll have to rent for as cheap as possible. minimize any fixed costs in your budget as much as possible. no living in 2 or 3 bedroom homes. foodwize you will have to make Everything from scratch, so learning how to cook and store food will be essential, as youll likely need to buy in bulk and cook ahead of time. every cent you spend needs to be justified and accounted for. do you need to bath? or rather take a 2minute shower. does the lights need to be on during the day or can you save some money there. you will need to look at everything and choose cheap over comfort. do you have 2 cars? maybe try to rather carpool. you'll likely need a side hustle such as producing and selling stuff at a farmers market. or whatever you can do jointly. alcohol, smoking, takeout, literally any vice you have will need to come second. your responsibility is looking after your family. and while doing this, you'll need to upskill and look for better employment opportunities, because eventually you will end up burning out. so go big, or go broke. none of this will be easy, but you'll earn a fuckton of respect if you can pull it off. respect for yourself in knowing you gave it more than a 100%

 

[bornagain95]

@shelly48 First things first, go hunting for medical aid or medical insurance. Having a child is costly, 3D or 4D scans, hospital fees, gynae fees, pediatrician, GP. It gets expensive, fast.