You aren’t a failure because you can’t afford expensive gifts

servant31

New member
Read the title, and read it again.

So many of us feel like we are terrible parents because we can’t buy the latest game system, the expensive clothes or shoes, the status symbols we are told that we should want. We can’t give our kids 300 dollar shoes they will most likely grow out of within the year, that will eventually sit in a landfill somewhere after.

Your children aren’t going to look back on this in 10 years and go “God my parents were awful. I got second hand bikes and Walmart clothing for Christmas.” They are going to remember the small things. The time spent baking cookies, watching Christmas movies cuddled up on the couch being warm and safe with you.

I grew up pretty poor too. We always had a roof over our heads but not always alot of food or extras. My parents did all they could to get me what I asked for, but I don’t remember any of that. I don’t remember what the gifts were really, just the time I spent with them. Now they are gone and I have those memories, while the presents are and have been long gone and forgotten.

You are doing your best, and that matters. Please don’t beat yourself up because you can’t gift someone something material. Hug them and give them attention and time. You are amazing. I wish you all the best and the happiest holidays.
 
@servant31 On the other side of it - I got nice gifts as a kid but my parents were not good people. They were awful, so despite the fact that I got expensive gifts, I do not remember Christmas fondly as a kid. But my wife, who got much more modest gifts, remembers it as a wonderful time for her and her brothers, she cherishes all the traditions they started.

OP is 200% correct - your kids will cherish the memories, not the gifts. The traditions really stuck with my wife so I'd recommend that. Like a family dinner on Xmas Eve or a Christmas movie night, board games, opening one present the night before Christmas, or whatever else.

Don't let the fact that you can't buy expensive stuff stress you out. I know you want to give your babies everything but they don't need everything, they just need you
 
@mihaelab Am traumatized by Christmas. We were poor and my mom would literally total up the cost of any presents we got and tell me how much was spent, how much was on a credit card, and how long it would take to pay back…. Then dark depression of having to almost not make rent in the January and February time frame…. Every single year. Turned me into a raging drug addict and I blacked out from thanksgiving till new years for the first 12 years of my adult life.

It’s not about the gifts. Spend time with your family and show your kids you love them, even if you can’t get them shit. Take them on an adventure, cook them a special breakfast, drink hot cocoa with them. Don’t fuck Christmas up for them because of gifts.
 

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