Weddings

[mimi24]

I am at the age where everyone is getting married and they are killing me. I had 3 weddings last year and I have 5 weddings this year. Closest one being 2 hours away furthest in Mexico and I’m in Canada. That is 4 bachelorettes, 2 stags, and one bridal shower. Just going to the wedding is 100 dollars for the gift not including the hotel, bachelorettes are easy 500 dollars each, the dress for the wedding is insane. Not to mention I don’t have paid time off as I’m contract. I was adding it all up and it would be over 4.5 k for weddings this year.
I told my friend from Mexico I can’t afford the wedding as it’s 5 star resort and 1.7 k for a week. Now they aren’t talking to me. I was the only friend they invited. I’ve stopped giving any money to the stags or even going.
Does no one else feel the financial prices right now? I am pay cheque to pay cheque, and my “spare” money is literally going to weddings. I don’t understand why this has all gotten so expensive, or why I’m expected to give 100 dollars for each wedding. Not to mention I get no plus one to any of these weddings as the bride and grooms are saving but that means I have to pay for gas to get their and the hotels by myself for the other 4 weddings. Then my other friend doing a resort wedding to save money, but it costs the guests so much more money.
I am tired of any days I do take off to go to weddings. I will have 14 weddings in the last 3 years after this year.
I’m done I don’t want to say yes to any more weddings and be guilted when I say no.
Also, these people all have double income house holds I’m single income.
Rant over. I just hate what weddings have become.

 

[freelee]

@mimi24 Your friend should understand your financial situation. If they’re not speaking to you because of this, how good of a friend are they?

You’re not expected to give anything. You gift what you can afford. You go to what you can afford.

 

[mimi24]

@freelee That’s how I feel too… I think I grew up middle/upper class and most if not all ny friends had their uni and first house now wedding paid for by their parents.. that they literally do not understand what is happening right now.. as I did not have any of that … they laugh when I say I’m financially stressed.. and they say we all are.. like my parents think it’s funny and say welcome to adulthood. But like no I literally do not have the money. If I explain that people think it’s funny. The friend going to Mexico offered to pay for half my cost but that’s still a week off of work and if I miss a week of work I can’t afford rent and she thinks I’m being rude bc she’s “covering most the cost”

 

[theonewhojesusloves]

@mimi24 “Friend, I appreciate your generous offer, but it just won’t be possible. You can’t put a price on friendship, but you can put a price on rent—and if I miss a week of work, I won’t be able to pay mine.”

Maybe she will understand if you put it that clearly, maybe not. Some folks really lose their minds when it comes to weddings. Not only are they willing to go into debt to throw what amounts to a big party, but they also think YOU should be willing to go into debt to attend. There’s no reasoning with folks who are that far gone.

 

[mimi24]

@theonewhojesusloves So weird bc 3 of these friends getting married this year weee literally ranting about the same thing last year now they are doing it.

 

[jonathan_gale]

@mimi24 I'm not saying you should do this, but if my friend had a destination wedding and then said, "Hahaha, I don't have money either" I would tell them they were either lying or stupid.

I'm sorry but your friends sound like assholes.

 

[dechen]

@freelee This. My wife and I got married in Jamaica 2 weeks before covid shut down the world. We invited a lot of people and told everyone: we know it's a lot, zero pressure. We'd love to see you there but understand if you can't make it. I could not imagine being mad at someone cause they couldn't / wouldn't spend the 1500-2000 to travel to Jamaica. We had a surprisingly large turn out for what it was.

 

[gphudson]

@mimi24 No is a complete sentence. It’s better to be honest upfront about not being able to afford things than saying yes and being broke and stressing out the bride/groom because you can’t afford it. Seriously.

I can tell yall horror stories. No is a perfectly valid answer if someone asks you to be in their bridal party. If someone drops you as a friend because of it, nothing of value was lost.

 

[platinum202]

@mimi24 Yet *another* reason why you lose friends when you are poor and they aren't. I couldn't attend my friends' weddings and that was pretty much the end of the relationships. They took it as some sort of insult or that I didn't care about them or like them anymore but there is no way in the world it was even a remote possibility. Few people understand what it is like to be really, really poor and not be able to do things that others consider normal.

 

[drsharles]

@mimi24 Don't put yourself in debt for other people....

 

[earthlyhope]

@mimi24 The maximum I ever paid to attend a wedding was $500 and that was only because it was a close friend and my wife and I were a part of the party. Weddings are expensive, it’s ok to say no. If it’s local and I’ve got something in my closet to wear, great, otherwise I’ll send a card.

 

[cassiefitz1]

@mimi24 Just say no. I can’t imagine being angry at anyone for not attending a party/wedding. How narcissistic are these people?

 

[khobson]

@mimi24 Maybe it's just the fact that I don't know many people, but im not paying to go to somebody else's wedding. If it's within drive range, I'll buy my own gas. Otherwise food, lodging, and any dress code is either provided or Im not showing up.

I'm too poor for vacations that aren't mine, and I'm certainly not going into debt over it.

 

[mimi24]

@khobson That’s how I feel too… even my own sisters wedding this year I’m paying for the hotel, dress, hair and makeup.. and when I complain to anyone all i get is “that’s your sister” but I dO NoT hAvE mOnEy

 

[jonathan_gale]

@mimi24 "That's your sister"

"Is the power of sisterly love going to make money fall from the sky?"

 

[khobson]

@mimi24 Yeah, that's absurd logic. Your sister has a husband now, presumably. They should be the ones paying for the wedding based on what they can afford and budget for. If family wants to help, they are free to offer, but it should not be a requirement. It wasn't your idea for them to get married. That's between them as a couple, and as adults in their own right.

If your family is going to guilt trip you on that, they should kick rocks at the earliest convenience and you need to insulate your financial life from them. Doesn't matter if you have $10 million dollars, it's inappropriate for them to assume it's their money to order around.

 

[kellyy08]

@mimi24 Your sisters is the only bullet you have to bite. And even that comes with a gray area.

 

[bloempje]

@mimi24 Just decline

 

[guitarmom]

@mimi24 I have never been able to afford a wedding gift after wedding expenses and there have been times I’ve had to say no to weddings and bachelorette because they just didn’t fit in the budget. All of my friends have been understanding and it hasn’t affected our friendships. I’m so sorry you’re being made to feel guilty for this! It’s unfair.

 

[kjwg]

@mimi24 As someone who works adjacent to the wedding industry..and in a destination wedding location….it should be perfectly acceptable to say no. The expectation to foot the bill for travel/lodging/food etc, on top of a wedding/shower gift? It’s all too much, and hopefully people would be more understanding.