@feeltheshame I stopped sharing my life because of these reasons. People still manage to make comments on the things that are obvious like my old dented Honda. One person thought it was quaint that I had a stick shift, " I didn't think they made these anymore!"
@lonelyinmarriage I've been biting my tongue for years, and people still manage to take jabs. Dude someone called my truck a toy because it's old, manual, and rolling windows... no computer lol. another person was trying to convince me to spend money I don't have to make a repair I don't -need- to make, totally unsolicited. like sorry you think my vehicle is a pos? I'm happy with it.
@feeltheshame This post definately resonates. I cant stand being shamed for something I have little control over once I've accounted for bills and started confronting people on their shit attitude.
I first noticed this with a colleague who I got on well with until I mentioned how difficult it is with little money left over and dealing with it as a single person. This colleague although we got paid the same crap wage had a partner who earned good money in IT. She seemed to bristle at the notion that she was in a better position and downplayed or dismissed anything I said thereafter about struggling saying it was just as hard for them as well.
These people went out to parties, meals and trips out with friends every week and had just bought a house whilst comparatively I was coming into work with holes in my clothing and staying at the office for the free heating and food.
We didnt seem to get on as well after this discussion.
@jerem I've worked with people kinda like that...dismissive. So often I have coworkers who clearly have family money... either from parents, inheritance, or from a partnership. We might technically make a similar income as individuals, but still live vastly differently class experiences. Like you're saying... I can barely scrape by while coworkers don't understand why I don't go on vacations and go out like they do or buy new shoes. It's baffling. Then when I point out the socioeconomic differences, people get fucking uncomfortable and no longer want to engage due to their internalized guilt.
@feeltheshame I'm going to come at this from the other side, I used to be very very poor. Like -237.00 in my account poor. I worked hard, I saw others doing well, going out to ear, ect. And told everyone I can't afford it, unless they are paying. Well fast forward almost 15 years, I'm doing much better and I'm finding myself becoming the one who is tone deaf at times. I'll invite my friends, some of the same 15 years prior, who didn't get their shit together, to dinner at a moderate nice restaurant. I'll notice they will turn it down a lot. However I now make sure to offer to pay their way, because I really just want their company and I don't want them feeling left out.
@feeltheshame I feel you. Carhop sold me a car for 9k that needed 10k in repairs. “just fix it” WITH WHAT MONEY? I can hardly make the payments on the repair loans and the car loans. Then it’s “Just get a new car!” I CANT AFFORD ONE. This car never should have been sold to me in the first place without disclosing the work it needed. Makes me want to kms. i’m barely holding on. I’m trapped at home, my dog is living a horrible life because we live in the city where there’s nowhere for her to run free. It’s just impossible to survive.
@nickmens that sucks dude. you're not alone. it can definitely feel impossible just to barely stay above water. I hope you keep holding on and do whatever you can to take care of yourself despite the financial burdens.
@danielgene it needs a new engine. there’s a lot of pressure in it which is causing oil to blow out all gaskets, caps etc. it runs out of oil as soon as you turn the engine on
@feeltheshame You need to stop worrying about what other people think and say. Surround yourself with people who will support you and cut out the ones that don't. I hear you and agree with you that comments from others can sting and be counterproductive to your life. Just about every person in my family had their little snide comments about me, my choices in life, my military career, and my husband, so......they get a Christmas card and a brief visit once a year - that's it. Nothing pissed me off and motivated me more than to be told that I "can't" do something or to be looked down on. I have worked three jobs, survived on little or no sleep, used food pantries, and shopped at Goodwill when I needed it.......and didn't give a crap about what other's said to me. This is your life. Live it like you want to live it and f*ck everyone else.
You said "I'm really sad and tired of being shamed for literally not being able to afford all my basic expenses some months." Why? You are an authentic human being who struggles like the other 95% of the population. There is absolutely NO SHAME in that. Stop letting these people get into your head. You deserve better.
