poverty shaming micro aggression "wHy DoN't YoU bUy ThAt ThInG yOu NeEd AnD cAn'T aFfOrD?!"

[lonelyinmarriage]

@feeltheshame I stopped sharing my life because of these reasons. People still manage to make comments on the things that are obvious like my old dented Honda. One person thought it was quaint that I had a stick shift, " I didn't think they made these anymore!"

 

[feeltheshame]

@lonelyinmarriage I've been biting my tongue for years, and people still manage to take jabs. Dude someone called my truck a toy because it's old, manual, and rolling windows... no computer lol. another person was trying to convince me to spend money I don't have to make a repair I don't -need- to make, totally unsolicited. like sorry you think my vehicle is a pos? I'm happy with it.

 

[jerem]

@feeltheshame This post definately resonates. I cant stand being shamed for something I have little control over once I've accounted for bills and started confronting people on their shit attitude.

I first noticed this with a colleague who I got on well with until I mentioned how difficult it is with little money left over and dealing with it as a single person. This colleague although we got paid the same crap wage had a partner who earned good money in IT. She seemed to bristle at the notion that she was in a better position and downplayed or dismissed anything I said thereafter about struggling saying it was just as hard for them as well.

These people went out to parties, meals and trips out with friends every week and had just bought a house whilst comparatively I was coming into work with holes in my clothing and staying at the office for the free heating and food.

We didnt seem to get on as well after this discussion.

 

[feeltheshame]

@jerem I've worked with people kinda like that...dismissive. So often I have coworkers who clearly have family money... either from parents, inheritance, or from a partnership. We might technically make a similar income as individuals, but still live vastly differently class experiences. Like you're saying... I can barely scrape by while coworkers don't understand why I don't go on vacations and go out like they do or buy new shoes. It's baffling. Then when I point out the socioeconomic differences, people get fucking uncomfortable and no longer want to engage due to their internalized guilt.

 

[jnswd]

@feeltheshame I'm going to come at this from the other side, I used to be very very poor. Like -237.00 in my account poor. I worked hard, I saw others doing well, going out to ear, ect. And told everyone I can't afford it, unless they are paying. Well fast forward almost 15 years, I'm doing much better and I'm finding myself becoming the one who is tone deaf at times. I'll invite my friends, some of the same 15 years prior, who didn't get their shit together, to dinner at a moderate nice restaurant. I'll notice they will turn it down a lot. However I now make sure to offer to pay their way, because I really just want their company and I don't want them feeling left out.

 

[glojoy5434]

@feeltheshame "So nice of you to offer to buy me that! I can't afford it so you're really getting me out of a bind!"