Need advice re: daughter still in school becomes the family bank + investment plan

[rachelr15]

@accemberuchiha I think I can. I was even more at ease living in the dorms before, though they would message me borrowing money, I don’t have to face them directly so turning them down won’t really be mentally taxing.
But now, since I live with them, when I tried na kuhanin ung little amount (around 3k) they borrowed last month coz I said I have to buy a new table so I can study properly (take note, used for studying) since my table is currently super wobbly and such, they told me they have no money and she told me “jan ka magaling eh, manghingi ng pera, pag gusto mo, gusto mo ibigay agad sayo, di ka makaintindi blah blah”
I snapped and I told her “wow, ako pa yung magaling manghingi and yung gusto mabili agad yung gusto?”
Then she faced me and threw a fit.
Like i did not ask them to spend for me. I just want them to pay me back so I can use the money for myself.

 

[accemberuchiha]

@rachelr15 Buti nasasagot mo sila. Ilan taon ka na ba? Kaya mo pa bang matiis yung ganyan? Ilang years ka bago magkawork?

 

[rachelr15]

@accemberuchiha Im 20, 3rd yr college. Still uncertain due to pandemic (i have to do internship plus thesis pa), hopefully first job on 2023 or if lucky, late 2022. know I was taught not to talk back to those older than you but I just couldn’t really hold it anymore when it comes to them. Its like all the respect I had for them is gone.

I was raised by my grandparents and I am lucky enough to be showered with love by them and was taught values coz I think I would be a bitch type if I am raised by my parents (can see how my younger brother would be since he was raised by my parents and even had the audacity to tell me “malas mo panganay ka” since he doesnt want to go to college)

 

[accemberuchiha]

@rachelr15 Hindi pa ata nag sysync in sa utak niya na swerte ka pag nakapagtapos ka ng college. Kapag may work ka na tsaka ka mag set ng rules. Magulang mo sila pero may buhay ka rin.

Hindi mo naman ginustong maging magulang sila. HAHAHHA

 

[bryantpwhite]

@rachelr15 Same. Raised by my grandparents as well. You can absolutely talk back to your elders when they disrespect you. I was 18 when I moved to manila on my own. I got by using funds I saved from a lot of freelance writing gigs. Of course the times have changed but you can still manage. What are your skills? There are wfh freelance gigs available if you know where to look.

 

[rachelr15]

@bryantpwhite Pre-pandemic, I used to do part time tutorials. Then til now, I have some income from doing papers and projects (not sure if its ok to disclose this so i’ll leave it be). I also do video editing and animation but getting an employer for that is quite tricky nowadays. I wanted to apply in coffee shops but shops near me mostly require experience. Have been looking for other wfh works in job platforms rn and I actually applied for a wfh customer service and I am still waiting for a reply. I can’t go full time since my scholarship is still my biggest source and I can’t lose it.

May I ask how many months of living expenses did you save before you moved out?

 

[bryantpwhite]

@rachelr15 25k. All in all. I stayed in a dorm and then rented a place with a friend. 2.5k a month. I got a job after two weeks. 18k a month. My allowance for myself is 1k to 1.5k a week. I lived in QC and worked in Makati. It was doable at the time. I don't have any vices except smoking and I was just in charge of myself which was awesome.

Honestly wfh is saving me a lot of money rn. Back then travel was the biggest factor but now, you just need a computer and internet and you can live by yourself.

 

[bryantpwhite]

Since you can do video editing. I suggest opening an account on fivver and Upwork. You can pick and choose jobs there easily once you set up a profile. Craigslist Manila was my go to back in 2008. There are writing and editing jobs available there but there are some sketchy jobs there so be careful. Don't give out personal info right away and do a quick background check.

There are also facebook groups you can join. Freelance writers of the Philippines. You can also apply as a part time english language tutor for 51talks or go to jobstreet and look for ESL.

 

[rachelr15]

@bryantpwhite I haven't tried ESL yet. I'll check this one now. Thank you so much.

 

[waterer]

@rachelr15 Hi, Ichii. I feel bad about your situation. You may try telling them na you invested your money and its locked in or naka time deposit (wc is possible kahit di pumunta ng branch)

 

[rachelr15]

@waterer I’ll try this and look for info so I’ll know what to explain. Thank you.

 

[bfcosper]

@waterer Judging by the parents calling her scholarship this suggestion myt not b the best since they myt squeeze the bank name and worse details out of her

 

[waterer]

@bfcosper Ahhh. I suggested that knowing that her bank details will be secured and kept confidential by any bank here in the country. Even spouses cannot pry into it, how much more parents. They’re bound to secrecy. Unless Ichi here divulge the amounts to her parents. But i see your point

 

[resjudicata]

@rachelr15 Ahhh the traditional pinoy story. ALam mo kung ako sayo, pag kaya mo na magisa cut off the cancer. Think of it like this, "nalulunod" sila living paycheck to pay check, hindi po nililigtas yung mga nalulunod, usually pinapa knockout mo muna lalo pag hindi sila kalma. Yun ang gagawin mo. Antayin mo sila malunod ng tuluyan tapos di na humihinga, tsaka mo i CPR.

 

[hiwot]

@rachelr15 yeah you need to start a proper "adult" discussion. what worked for me was I explained to them (my parents) that I'll still help out at home but I need them to give me a specific amount per month so I can budget properly and still have savings. pero bago ako nagbigay pinakita ko muna sa kanila ang total gastos ko sa family per month (for the year) and sinabi ko sa kanila yun na amount ang kaya ko ibigay.. no more no less.. kung kulang pa, hanap na sila ng paraan. good luck! rip the bandaid talaga walang ibang way.

 

[hiwot]

@rachelr15 another "strategy" na ginawa ko eh I claimed the bills (or u can claim one specific bill) like.. magpromise ka na ikaw bahala sa electricity bill.. pero yun lang specifically, nothing else. important talaga magset ng boundaries at kausapin maayos ang parents kasi kung hindi, di ka nila titigilan.. I think they mean well and want the best for u.. nasanay lang siguro sila sa boomer mentality na gawing investment ang anak..

 

[bryantpwhite]

@rachelr15 There are a lot of options for you to do. Get out of that house. There are a lot of ads on fb marketplace for places you can stay. You can stay at a cheap motel for a few days. There are apps for short term rentals that have good deals. Oyo usually has a promo.

Your family is fucking toxic and if you want a future, you should get out of there. If they can't respect your boundaries then you should take the initiative and leave. The fact that you are posting here is a very clear sign that you have thought about leaving and you just need a push. If they don't accept no as an answer. If they don't think about you and your needs, if they don't respect you then they are a lost cause. Don't stay there and be like them. The pamilya mo dapat tulungan mo dynamic is bullshit if they abuse you. Wala ka sa teleserye, buhay mo yan and you are allowed to live freely. Plus kaunti lang makukuha mong royalty fee if you sell your story to MMK. Don't be a fucking sob story.

I have been in toxic relationships before and I also went to reddit for advice and the best advice they gave me was to take initiative and help myself. It will be hard for you but it will be worth it. Just take courage.

You're smart, you're dependable, you're kind, those traits of yours are wasted on your family. You are better off on your own and using all of your skills for better things.

 

[rachelr15]

@bryantpwhite I haven’t heard of Oyo but i’ll try looking it up later. I have tried the fb marketplace and have been in contact with some.

You are right. Maybe the fact that I posted here means that I just need a push to leave because I have really been thinking about it since last year. I was having doubts if that was a good move but you plus the other comments here justified moving out as an option. Its not being OA or dramatic, but it is the right thing to do to save sanity.

I’ll just have to prepare for the expenses. I applied for a part time job for extra income and if I get accepted, and earn a little for not only the house but daily expenses as well, I will move out already. For now, like how many of you guys have been telling me to, I can only ignore and defend my money so i can move out as soon as possible.