Need advice re: daughter still in school becomes the family bank + investment plan

[rachelr15]

@gurgeljr Yes I will once I find a suitable place within my budget and got accepted on a part time job I was applying for coz i’ll never know until when the scholarship will last. And I will also try that, maybe I can ask a friend to play along with me incase they contact them. Thank you.

 

[parklane3563]

@rachelr15 kung kaya mo silang tiisin cut them out of your life. kung hindi, kahit anong sabihin ng tao dito walang silbi yon.

SHS ka pa lang breadwinner ka na, pano yung college mo?

 

[resjudicata]

@rachelr15 I'm disgusted with the comments here. Eww. OP you don't need to defend yourself from every commenters here. It's hard to stand up for yourself when everyone else is ganging up on you. And what, you're below 21? Especially pamilya mo pa. Hays. Every kid wants to please and do something for their parents, it's just natural bc we love them. It's a process separating ourselves from them and staying true to our individuality and being independent. It's not easy as 123.

Just see to it that you leave. For the time being practice saying no and enforcing boundaries. If possible, isolate and distance yourself away from them. That way, you won't be affected as much by their guilt-trips and what-nots.

 

[rachelr15]

@resjudicata Thank you for considering my mental and emotional capacity for the choices I need to make.

 

[captivating]

@rachelr15 This is a very bad situation. If you have thin skin or is easily offended, you will have a hard time removing yourself from where you are.

Ganito yung nangyayari sakin noon nung umuwi ako as an OFW. Tingin nila sakin mayaman kahit wala pa akong trabaho. Nung nagkatrabaho ako, may mga sundot na tanong about sa salary ko ("Mama: Si kuya mo nahihirapan kasi mas mababa sahod nya sayo. 20k natatanggap mo di ba?").

I need them to change yung reputation ko sa kanila. I need them to see what I want them to see kasi kundi mauubos talaga pera ko. So ito yung ginawa ko. Ikaw bahala kung susundan mo.

1. You have to accept that you don't owe anyone especially if you do really not owe anyone(utang, hulugan, etc). If you don't accept this, you might be put in a worse situation. (Nasa batas na responsibilidad ng magulang na pagaralin ang anak. Di counted yun as utang ng anak.)
2. You have to acknowledge that not only do you share a FAIR portion of the responsibilities in the house, you have you're own responsibilities too. I indicated that your share should be FAIR. FAIR to you and FAIR to them. this will be your limiter to yourself to when you will pull the brakes.
3. Now this would be the hard part. When asked for small favors (i.e Pangyosi - P1000), ALWAYS HAVE NO MONEY. Find reasons why you don't or don't say anything at all. Small favors are the easiest to decline as nothing is really on the line. Small favors also set you up as a person who can't help them with Big favors. You have to be consistent. You can't say "wala kang pera" pero dami mong Lazada/Shopee na dumadating o kaya kain na nang kain ng yayamanin foods.

This should be applicable to everyone. Sharks easily smell blood.

1. Remove your money anywhere they can see it. Change bank accounts, avoid pulling out big bills from your wallet, avoid being "Galante". If they ask for a bigger contribution than what you consider fair, ask why and tell them that you have given all that you can give. (All that you CAN give = Money you are willing to lose. If it is considered as savings, it CANNOT be given)

Be calm and collected. You will receive words that you think you don't deserve but stand your ground. Keep silent lang, you don't need to prove anything anyway. "Kung wala akong mabibigay, wala talaga"

 

[rachelr15]

@captivating I admire your strength. I am currently emotionally unstable so thank you for the warning but I'm learning and trying.

I've read everything. "Kung wala akong mabibigay, wala talaga". I'll take note of this.

I've already practiced the consistency as well, thats why wala rin ako gaanong spending kasi I dont do online shopping na madalas or else they'll know na meron akong pera pa. But may I ask, how did you handle to emotional manipulation before if there are some, so they can get money from you?

 

[captivating]

@rachelr15 Aba! di mawawala yan. Actually, kung consistent ka, and striving hard to be consistent, mapipilitan kang hindi maglabas ng pera. Kasi kung bigla kang naglabas ng pera, magmumukha kang SINUNGALING - kahit sa sarili mo. Kapag hinayaan mong maniwala ka na SINUNGALING ka mas masasaktan ka at mahihirapang ilabas ang sarili mo sa sitwasyon na yan.

Always remember na kapag naging inconsistent ka sa pagiging walang pera mo, they will always have a reason to doubt you. They will also suffer - kasi once desperation hits, magteateam-up yan. Mas mahirap i-handle yun. Wag kang sasagot kapag naiipit ka. You can always walk away. "Ano bang magagawa ko, e wala akong pera e."

Wag kang pipitik. Always be in control sa emotions mo. Kapag nagalit ka, tapos may nasabing kang masama, maaring gamitin yan against you. Wag kang magsasalita kung makakasakit ka. Keep calm and cool.

Tandaan mo na lang. Kahit na umiiwas ka sa pagbibigay ng pera wag mo kakalimutan maging MAKATAO. Kapag sinabi na

"Ikaw na lang talaga malalapitan ko, kapag hindi ko ito nabayaran, tiyak na mawawalang ako ng trabaho, papaano na mga anak ko?"

Ganito sasabihin mo, "Nakakalungkot man sabihin pero walang wala na din ako. Tignan ko kung meron ako maitutulong pero sa ngayon, wala talaga ako. Pasensya talaga."

Wag kang magbibigay ng pera. Magbigay ka ng job listing, job offering, option para pagkakitaan, pero wag na wag kang magbibigay ng pera. "Walang easy money". ika nga nila.

PS: Ang taong walang pera, NANININGIL. Wag mong kakalimutan yan.

Mga oras para MANINGIL:

- kapag gusto mo silang umalis

- kapag naiipit ka sa usapang pera

- kapag nagvevent out ka kuno

- kapag feeling mo na uutangan ka, unahan mo

 

[rachelr15]

@captivating I'll save all your advice in case I doubt myself and needed a motivation. I can feel how feasible everything you said is and its something that I can control.

Thank you very much for this!!!!!

 

[timtams]

@rachelr15 Alis ka na sa bahay na yan. Ngayon kung di ka pa makaalis at ayaw mo magbigay, say No, pag nagtantrums, labas ka lang ng bahay para di mo madala ung bigat ng mga sinasabi nila. Hanap ka tatambayan para dun ka magaral. Pag balik mo, hayaan mo sila pero di na gnun kaintense ung mga masasabi nila. Iba tlga ung nasasabi ng tao pag bagong galit. Yun ung masakit eh.

 

[rachelr15]

@timtams Thanks for considering “hindi ka pa makaalis and ayaw mo magbigay”.
Yes as much as I want to move I out now, I can’t yet kasi kulang pa savings ko. Hindi naman pwede may pambayad sa bahay pero walang pangkain. Will try your advice once ecq is lifted.Thank you very much.

 

[timtams]

@rachelr15 Slowly OP plan your exit. Bank transfer naman ung pasok ng funds mo no? Pag pumasok, transfer mo agad tpos pakita mo sa knila na wala ng balance ung account mo from scholarship. Kaya mo yan!

 

[rachelr15]

@timtams Yup. I opened a high interest bank account to transfer some amount and save my money. Thank you so much. Laban lang

 

[digital]

@rachelr15 Toxic family. Cut them off once you're okay. You are not obligated to give them money. You're in shs and they are obkigated to support you. Sila nagchoose magputok sa loob e. Sana nagplan maayos para di parasite sa anak. My parent is also like that. Disgusting.
I am not communicating w him anymore and I rent a place since I have a job. More peaceful life.

 

[rachelr15]

@digital While I have conflict trying to process the comments I get and how I can apply them, I've read ur comment and your choice of words are funny. It made me relax a little bit.

Did you cut off your parent? Do you still give them allowance or not? Di sila naghahabol sayo?

 

[digital]

@rachelr15 Umuuwi parin ako kapag pasko. And I still pay for that person's insurance. Til 65 pa yun. He's 60 now. Iniisip ko nalang na I was paying student loans kahit di sya yung nagpaaral sakin. Pero I refuse to go beyond that. I ignore his messages to me and the family group chat. Umuwi ako recently and nastress lang ako nang sobra so I decided i-disown nalang sya.

 

[resjudicata]

@rachelr15 Hey. Pareho tayo sitwasyon and magiging sitwasyon in the future. This is something you can control. I've been the punching bag and the guy who gets screamed at while everybody else gets ignored. I found out recently how to handle it. Just don't give a fuck about them. They scream at you? Ignore them. They want money? Ignore them. Somewhere along the road they might realize that you don't want to be with them because of their attitude towards you. If they don't? Don't give a fuck about them because they don't give a fuck about your future. They can guilt trip you all they want but you can always ignore them. These kind of people want to control you/us and make us live our lives the way they want us to live. Sounds a little harsh but I've been at peace ever since doing this. I follow utos and do my share of responsibilities inside the house but if they want more than that they need to treat me right or they won't fucking survive. They enjoy power tripping, make them taste their own medicine. Just my take on this.

 

[rachelr15]

@resjudicata Sorry to hear this. I hope your doing better now.
Im currently not on talking terms with them for a week now due to an argument even though we're in the same house. Suffocating, but atleast, there's no unnecessary words getting thrown everyday. I'll practice feigning ignorance, too. Might take a while since I have a really low emotional eq, but ill get there. I hope I can reach your level of stability. Thank you for the advice.

 

[resjudicata]

@rachelr15 Well I've endured years of this. Eventually you'll reach that breaking point too. What are they gonna do if you ignore them? Kick you out? They won't because they want your money. And if they do kick you out, you can get away from there. You can do it! Good luck!

 

[rachelr15]

@123m So I have this thinking that if I cant fully cut ties and just move out of the house, I was planning to atleast give them a certain amount monthly. But you're right. I should think twice about that idea. Thank you very much for this. Huuugs!!

 

[accemberuchiha]

@rachelr15 Pede mong sabihin na nag avail ka ng insurance at binabayaran mo. Kaya mo na bang mamuhay magisa or icut sila? Suggest ko sayo kung may stable job ka ikaw mag set ng bibigay mo sakanila kung ayaw nila di wag.

Huwag mo tinotolerate yung pagiging ganyan nila masasanay yan. Pagsinabihan kang madamot tanungin mo kung binabayaran ba nila yung utang nila sayo.