@tigerfan01 Yes, I plan to. I just need to reach the amount I need to save to move out and be able to handle the daily expenses. Hopefull I get to move out later this year.
@rachelr15 @tigerfan01 @rachelr15 I second this. Now you must know how to navigate through this. Here are some thoughts I would like to share. Are they retired and have a pension with SSS? If so, they have retirement money to spend monthly. If not, what other resources of income do they have?
Now, I don't know on how the full extent of the law regarding the obligation of taking of parents. But can they chase you for neglect? I hope it does not come to this.
@dday No. They are in late 30’s. Yup, they had me early, unplanned. Mother is working as a hr manager and father is a driver (who does not drive). Basically, my dad is a freeloader because of two things. He doesnt really like working and my mom doesnt want him to work also kasi wala daw magseservice kay mama going back and forth sa work. Much worse than I am. My mother’s income is even more than enough for the bills and expenses so why?
So am I a replacement for a father who cannot provide for the family?
@rachelr15 Start to know how to reason out your inability to supply them with money. I think the reason why they depend on you is mainly that they have the mindset that they can depend on you. Plan out your "talk" with them regarding your future plans, especially moving out, you don't necessarily have to stay in the house, but at least notify them, they are still your parents afterall.
@tabitha4him Thank you. I think that is the most feasible. Talking about moving out. Actualy, i’ve brought it up once but denied ofc. But i’ll find a way. I never thought about it but u made me realize that if I just move out suddenly, it will cause an uproar that will just be as mentally taxing. Thank you very much. Gonna hang on for a little longer.
@rachelr15 “I’ve brought it up once but (was) denied...?” No, you should not ask for permission. Talk to them like you’re just informing them, not asking for their approval. Do it kahit ano pang sabihin nila. Have a plan. Work out the numbers kung magkano dapat ang ipon para makabukod. Reason out na naka time deposit ang allowance mo, hindi mo maibibigay sa kanila. What’s the worst thing that can happen, palayasin ka? Eh di good riddance sa kanila? Be ready anytime.
@aly1031 Not by "I'm going to live in a different house next year" but by "I'll be trying a career in this area so I have to move" kind? I'll try. I'll give this a shot once things calmed down. I'm currently not on talking terms with them right now after we had another financial argument weeks ago. I still follow their utos but im not really responding to anything other than that.
@rachelr15 Calm things down. I guess this heat and pandemic get the best in all of us. At least you are doing step by step and handling it diplomatically. On my side, it's a different story about certain family members in my family.
So to end it here. Calm things down and silently do something about it. These are the realities of life. Expose yourself further.
@rachelr15 Drivers are in demand for manufacturing companies these days. Unless your father has health issues, he should be able to get a decent paying job. He can even ask for a schedule that fits your mom’s schedule.
@rachelr15 My best advice is to ignore them, OP. Your scholarship money is for your education, nothing more. They ask for more money, say no and stand your ground. When they start to throw a fit, ignore them. They start throwing tantrums, ignore them. They start calling you madamot, walang utang na loob, etc., ignore them. This is for your own peace of mind. Don't let them guilt trip you. Kung ngayon pa lang ganyan na sila sayo what more kung may full time job ka na. Sa ngayon try saving up na so you can move out when you can. You're better off on your own.
@slybelvedere I agree. That is not family. They are greedy bunch of self serving moochers. Go live on your own. Uubisin ka nila if they can. Tiisin mo. They are not worth all the agony.
@slybelvedere Yes, I’m trying to save little by little. I placed the money I was able to ‘hide’ in a high interest bank. I have enough funds from sidelines for a studio apartment but I consider the money as an emergency fund so im hesitant to move out immediately and spend it for an apartment coz I’ll still have to worry about daily expense so maybe after a little more. Hopefully by the end of this year. Thank you.
@rachelr15 Are you no longer a minor? Tell your scholarship unit that your parents are NOT AUTHORIZED to transact with them / ask any questions. Invoke data privacy act (IF you are not a minor)
CUT ALL TIES. As soon as ECQ is over, and if you can return (and afford) your dorm, leave.
From your story, this is no longer something that can be fixed in the future.
The sooner you accept that, the better for your life.
Good luck.
For now, just resist them and let all their hurtful and abusive words flow in one ear and outside the other.
@yadav123 No, I'm 20. I'll open this up to the scholarship unit. Haven't really thought of doing this since I felt like I dont want to get a treatment or get them involved in personal matters but looks like I have no choice.
I do try but it still stings most of the time. Maybe after a few more months of living with them. I can bear the hurtful words without getting hurt. It'll take some time but i'll get there. Thank you.
@rachelr15 It will be hard.
Contrary to what other people say, words CAN hurt. Even more than physical attacks.
Unfortunately, you'll just have to bear it.
What you do is you WRITE down (cant record illegally) everything they say to you so that you do not forget it in the future. There is a tendency to forget and then you will repeat the cycle.
@yadav123 Agree, some people can say hurtful things out of spite and not actually mean them, but the damage their words have inflicted on the receiver will be remembered forever.
Goodluck kay OP kasi mahirap yung pinagdadaanan nya, pero tama din yung iba na the situation will get worse once nagwork na sya. OP should start setting boundaries now, pero magiging masakit na process ito at madami syang titiisin. As early as now, OP should start training herself how to say no and how not to get affected with panunumbat and masasakit na salita. Baka makatulong, know who you are deep inside - para kahit anong sabihin ng iba magiging matatag ka knowing it's not who you are. More power to you on this regard, OP.
@yakapo7 You’re right. The process would be painful but it’s better to experience this for the long run than to continue suffering, right? I’m still adjusting and trying to mend my low emotional capacities. I still get affected so much by words since i’ve had everything bottled up ever since but maybe in a few months more? Hopefully.
Thank you so much for the advice. I’ll take note of this. I have forgotton how establishing who I really am is so important ever since I had self doubts last year from all the conflicts.
@rachelr15 Once you start working never ever let them know how much you earn. Never. ever. Actually don't even let them know where you work. Because they might do something stupid like call the HR and ask how much you earn or if salary is already given. Though I know companies won't do this because of privacy, better be safe than sorry.
Don't give any bit of information about your finances to them.
