Married couple, how do you handle finances?

[freesoul88]

Hey, currently single but planning to get married. However, I am curious about finances as a couple.

Do you share your income?
To be logical, I don't think I can afford everything.

Another question, as a man, how do you discuss sharing income with your wife?

Why am I saying this? Because I don't think I'll ever be married if I'm too concerned about money, I think it's better to share. Provider mindset is outdated in this current economy, as a man. I am not a millionaire (nor am I reliant on my families money). Women should also stop relying on this mindset, as they are capable of working and supporting themselves.

 

[theeverydaykingdom]

@freesoul88 Financial talks with my other half is like a quarterly board meeting, with spreadsheets (for raw data), PowerPoint presentation slides (gotta have those graphics), and a "business" plan for projected "expenditures" and potential "investments".

She's the chairman with no casting vote.

 

[rockhopper72]

@theeverydaykingdom Tbh we should handle our life / marriage like how one handle the business. Don’t say things like are husband and wife why we have to do this. This is a serious matter and yes we need to look at it seriously. If we can treat our work professionally, why can’t we do so for our life?

It wasn’t easy to start with of course, but everyone have to start somewhere.

 

[marcmp]

@freesoul88 In my opinion (24 and unmarried), being a provider is not an outdated mindset. The thing is you just have to find someone who have their financial expectation aligned with you.

If your salary are only RM3k/month, marry a woman who can live with that amount with you (or lower). If you put yourself around women who expected to have a lifestyle of RM10k/month , you'd keep feeling like the mindset is outdated.

Discussing about financial expectation is crucial before marriage

 

[beta2]

@marcmp Based on a true story: My brother and his wife work the same job,almost the same salary. One owns a Persona and the other a Toyota . When they decided to buy a house, my brother thought they should buy an intermediate lot, but his wife insisted they get a corner lot ( 2x intermediate price) . Well what do you know, now they spend the majority of their income paying for their cars and the house. Bless my brother man, hang in there.

 

[ehnglo]

@freesoul88 As a guy I always believe that you should achieve your dreams first before looking for a woman

 

[dawney]

@ehnglo What if your dream is to look for a woman?

 

[ehnglo]

@dawney Any woman? Then that would not be difficult at all

 

[dawney]

@ehnglo Of course its not. Its only a dream

 

[ehnglo]

@dawney Yeah it's not difficult

 

[applegold]

@ehnglo I feel you no diddy. But most of us are too focused on the destination and forget to enjoy the journey.

 

[freesoul88]

@ehnglo I know but i ain't married around 40 or 50

 

[vk_61]

@freesoul88 Marry someone with the same financial values that you have. Discuss this openly and constructively with your partner before you tie yourself down.

I've heard too many stories of people taking up debt just to please the other half/half's family.

It's poignant how some couples who very much love each other become unhappy because of difference in financial expectations.

 

[marysol]

@freesoul88 Choosing your partner that reflect your financial values is the most important financial decision you would make in your life. That being said, you need to first understand what is your personal finance goals and then communicate these goals to your partner. If achieving these goals involves them contributing to the household, make this clear to them.
My husband and I have not yet joint our finances but we’re planning to do that soon before we had children. For now, we have separate bank accounts and I paid for most expenses because he doesn’t own a bank account in malaysia. We use Splid to track joint expenses and he paid me back in lump sum at the beginning of the next month’s cycle. We will open joint account once I moved to his country and he will be the main breadwinner for as long as I could find a new employment - we will live off my savings and his new job. As for expense tracking, budgeting, savings, retirement and investments, that will be my job and communicated to him because I am more financially literate compared to him. I am no personal finance guru but I know basics of personal finance.
On the side note OP, tone down your resistance towards provider mindset. There will be times in the marriage that you will be forced to pick up the slack because your wife was unable to contribute due to reasons out of her control, e.g. difficult pregnancy and childbirth, job loss, sick children, become sick herself, become disabled, etc. Holding on to the 50-50 mindset so strongly can lead to resentment when your spouse is struggling and failing to deliver her share. This goes to women as well but in general based on my personal observation, women are better at sticking to the husband and support him by being resourceful and useful to the family during difficult times. I know you’re not here to seek marriage advice but I just feel that I should mention that .

 

[tyronasmith]

@freesoul88 27M, married with a 5 months old daughter. Sole breadwinner. My wife makes some money teaching online classes as a part time. She spends her money on herself/our daughter (baby dresses, skincare, sometimes household stuff like tablecloth etc, usually those are one off purchase) and I pay for everything else.

Doable. Both of us don't mind our current state as we don't trust anyone else to take care of our daughter, except our families of course.

 

[freesoul88]

@tyronasmith Em nah i dont think i wanna get babies, maybe after 5-10 years will think about it. Headache and still wanna enjoying my life without child commitment. I just wanna have partner to live together.

Im planning to only have a pet later. You guys can say whatever you say

 

[tyronasmith]

@freesoul88 Cool. Its your life anyways. My wife and I agreed upon raising our child (or children) when we are both young, energetic and playful. We will enjoy our lives later when they get older and we can treat them like a proper adult

 

[freesoul88]

@tyronasmith Cheers bro, everyone happiness is different. Doesn't mean I don't want kids, but just waiting for the right moment and enjoying being a partner.

 

[fizzywig]

@freesoul88 What makes you think having a pet doesn't need as much of commitment?

 

[freesoul88]

@fizzywig I doesn't need to take care much:
For example: babies
I need to clean poo
They will cry middle of the night
Any sick
Give them food
Have to look for them for safety

Meanwhile if I only have cat i doesn't care much. Just normally give food. Also not everyday need to shower cat. Atleast can distract ourself rather than only 2 person at the house.