Married 26M LDR, wife wants to be stay at home. Sacrifice paying mortgage early for a kid?

[light4]

@marcolovesjesus Nurse to be specific.

 

[lordsgrace3]

@light4 Oh well there's your plan then. She gets a part time job and goes to school. That's not the same thing as being a housewife. Pay the mortgage off with her part time gig. Wait on having kids until she's got her career going. Then you can decide if daycare is worth the financial hit vs her taking time off from a much easier field to re-enter. And you won't have a mortgage to worry about.

 

[danieldf]

@sistermaria Why would you discredit a SAHM?

 

[sistermaria]

@danieldf She’s not a mother.

 

[danieldf]

@sistermaria Oh maybe I misread, it sounded like she was moving to be with OP and wanted children and to be a housewife

 

[chris1978]

@light4 You’ll be able to refi in the next year or so hopefully

 

[light4]

@chris1978 I was hoping for that too, had a friend bout to buy a house and their rate was 7.125%.

 

[chris1978]

@light4 I am closing next month, I currently have a 2.7 but due to a new job I have to move. I was able to get 5.7 because I financed with the builder. I think new rates will be here sooner than most people think. I hope so anyways.

 

[resjudicata]

@light4 For context, Everything I know about foreign born spouses marrying a US citizen then moving to the US is from 90 Day Fiance.

What type of work does she do now? When she moves, will she be eligible to work? Does she need a work permit?

Staying home with kids is one thing. Will she stay home forever? Go back to work? Go read some Mom subreddits and inquire about women returning to work. On top of all that, if she doesn’t work pre-kids she won’t have any US job experience.

How will she establish credit? She won’t have paid into social security. Which is one thing but what if she became disabled?

(You don’t need to answer any of this, just random thoughts I would consider if I were in her position)

 

[strongbelieverinchrist]

@light4 Yes

 

[rawheight]

@light4 I was in your situation. My wife stays home and we’re very happy. Top 10% net worth, very happy. To me it came down to prioritizing what was important to me. Looking ahead my future challenges will come down to maximizing retirement, HSA, and giving as much of a jump start for my kids as we can muster.

 

[light4]

@rawheight Mind I ask how long in terms of years did you sacrifice? (IE: In my case from 5 years to ~8+ years of mortgage).

 

[rawheight]

@light4 It’s more of a challenge, not sacrifice. For me alone I estimated $2mln needed for retirement. Because that’s just for me, and with my wife not contributing to her own retirement I needed to double that estimate. Our mortgage isn’t a problem and its interest rate negligible. My wife’s salary would be eaten up by kids’ childcare.

 

[dee77]

@light4 Just a question. . Will she be staying home forever? Like till she and you die? I know she will be at a disadvantage going back into the workforce after being out for 5-8 years for kids or so or super bad at 60. Like will you be able to save enough away for her retirement too? That she will not have to worry about property tax when she is 86.

 

[vocopro]

@light4 More than cost, staying home with a child is so precious. She would miss out on so many beautiful moments working.

 

[marcn]

@light4 Try to make it work so she can stay home - IF that’s what she desires! You may rethink this after you have a child but, from my perspective as a retired career educator who stayed home with our kids for eight years (4 with the second - until she started Pre-K), I don’t regret a single minute of our financial sacrifice. And, yes, it put us “behind” some of our dual working couple friends in terms of standard living (nicer house, nicer cars) and vacation choices. But I still wouldn’t trade that time with my kids for $1 million!

 

[sezna]

@light4 You're 26, saving for retirement makes so much more sense than paying off your house if you care about money.

 

[resjudicata]

@light4 26 is very young to have a wife, let alone a stay at home wife. But how would it make you feel? Some people find that they're able to achieve more in their career with a partner at home who takes care of them and their household. If it reduces your stress, frees up extra time, allows you to rest more that's one aspect to consider.

 

[djacks17]

@light4 To clarify. Does she want to be a stay at home MOM providing childcare or just a stay at home wife? Two completely separate things. If you guys are planning to have kids soon childcare here is hella expensive. So, it does make sense financially to have somebody stay home with kids if their income is less than childcare. If it’s just a stay at home wife with no kids in the mix, makes sense for her to at least be investing in her career in some way by going to school. Just sitting around doing nothing? That’s a no from me in all aspects.

 

[light4]

@djacks17 Stay at home mom to be specific as she wants kids. It sounds selfish for me but my heart and mind currently outweighs the goal of paying off the debt before having kids, so I'm curious what other people had done in similar situation.