Married 26M LDR, wife wants to be stay at home. Sacrifice paying mortgage early for a kid?

@light4 Childcare is expensive. We pay about 22k for my toddler. If your spouse does not have a high earning potential, the 2nd income might not be worth it.

There are other things to take into consideration. If your spouse has little/no earning power, you need to make sure you have a very good life insurance policy. I'd also talk about how long you guys plan on her staying home and what she feasibly do during that time to set herself up to reenter the workforce if necessary.
@chonstance How's your lifestyle though? I have friends who became stay at home mom and I saw how their life changed. However I don't have a friend who pays childcare so I'm curious if you don't mind... maybe what's like your schedule for 1 week?
@light4 She wakes up at 5am, my husband makes her breakfast and then they read or play. I wake up at 6 am, and my husband starts working. I play with my daughter, get her ready for school, and we make her lunch. Most days, my husband takes her to school and goes to his office around 8 am.

We used to pick her up at 3pm, but she was disappointed that she missed playing on the playground in the afternoon so we pick her up at 4pm now. Her daycare is actually a preschool. She just also then has lunch, naps, has an afternoon snack, and now plays on the playground at school. My husband usually picks her up early on Fridays and typically, I will flex my hours and take a Friday off once a month.

Most days, my husband picks her up, and I get dinner started. We eat dinner, around 5pm, give my daughter a bath, and then we go outside and play or go to the pool. At 7:30 we do books, brush teeth, and then put her to bed. My husband and I usually hang out a bit, then he goes to bed and I do a bit of cleaning and then go to bed.

On Saturday, my husband takes my daughter grocery shopping in the morning, and I vacuum/clean the bathrooms. Then we usually go for a hike or go do something. Then lunch, nap, snack, play, dinner, play, bed.

Sundays, we do something (pool, museam, local event, etc.) And then the same as Saturday. Sometimes we chill.

My daughter's school has about 45 days off a year between winter/spring/summer break. We have enough holidays and PTO to take off during that time. Sometimes our family has different holidays or just want to spend time with her and will take her for a day

I took parental leave for 6 months (50% pay). I was making ~60% of our HHI when our daughter was born. We also both have very flexible jobs. We could have lived off of my husband's income, but I did not feel comfortable losing my earning power.
@light4 That’s not necessarily true. When you leave the workforce you miss out on raises and experience that will advance your career and earn you more money which compounds over time. Getting back in after an extended break is also more difficult. Make sure you and your wife are taking that into account when making the decision.
@light4 How did their lives change? My husband and I decided I would stay home and I’ve been a SAHM for close to 14 years. You definitely have to cut back on a few things. We take 1 vacation a year, not 2-3. Our cars are older and paid off. The kids get the newer clothes. But we still do things like go to concerts, hockey games (season tickets), outings with the kids to play zones/zoos/etc.
@nintkola I think this also depends on how much the other person is making. If one person already makes 250k that’s easier to do than with one income only making 75k
@ejt I never quite get this. It could take years if ever to conceive. This just puts more pressure on conception & a huge imbalance in workload if wife has no kid to take care of.
@ejt We’ve done this for a few stints. It’s still really nice to have the house clean as fuck, she’d focus on diy projects, we could have healthier less meal prep for breakfast together, my work lunches, and dinner as a family. Shopping during the week so more time together on the weekend. Her mental health is better when she has time to work out mid day instead of before or after work.

It’s a luxury and you have to be able to afford it but it can be beneficial, we’ve always budgeted and lived on my salary alone so when she worked too (most of the time) it was a nice boost to our financial goals.

I’m a little beyond middle class finance now but she’s a STAH parent at this point because our marginal tax rate is so high, why on earth give up the in home help with our child over the 2 and a half days of a regular work week she can keep for us instead of the government.
@ejt That used to be the norm, before the economy tanked. Some people really enjoy having a partner at home and it allows them to do more, both personally and professionally. Usually it's the wife who stays home, but I've also a few Type A career oriented female friends whose husband stayed home while they worked, and they were some of the best marriages I've seen. So 🤷🏼‍♀️
@light4 Depends if you want kids or not. That’s a value call on your part.

BUT it would be kind of wild to do nothing for a year while you get creampied.
@ejt Lol, thanks for the laugh. And yeah, I want kids, but I want no mortgage more better before kids. Kind of selfish but that's what I'm feeling.
@light4 Don’t think that’s selfish at all. You’re looking out for the long term health of your family.

If your wife just doesn’t want to work and is using kids as an avenue to make that happen.. that’s another conversation.

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