Looking for opinions on shared finances in my relationship

[laceymarie79]

@theologypoet I would respond to husband. Fine keep the $30k but going forward I am contributing $100k to household and the other 70 is for for me

 

[sriad]

@theologypoet Imo, keep 70k$ to yourself so that it would be a contribution of 100k$ each. That's what 50/50 is.

 

[jesusandusin2023]

@sriad I disagree. Partnership shouldn't be 50/50, partnership should be about proportionality and fairness. She earns 63% of the income, so she should cover 63% of the expenses instead of 50%. If she's working 60 hour weeks for her $170k while he works 40 for his $100k, then the equation changes again.

 

[nhule8805]

@jesusandusin2023 “You didn’t venmo me for your 63% of the electricity last month.”

That’s childish and immature.

That’s college roommates live. Not married couples. Married couples unify and combine their lives. They are one unified household. This tit-for-tat financial control is how people, often women, get abused by their partners.

A woman has a baby and stays home to raise it? Controlling husband gives his wife a small allowance because it’s “his” money.

Riddle me this—If a woman is married to a man who makes $250k per year as an orthodontist but she loses her job, would it be ethical for her to try to get welfare and food stamps because she has a $0 income?

If a couple is married, and one person makes $300,000 and the other makes $40,000, should the person with a higher income be able to live a luxurious lifestyle while the one making $40,000 lives a humble working class lifestyle?

 

[jesusandusin2023]

@nhule8805 I think you're pretty confused about what I'm actually saying, especially your last point: If a couple is married, and one person makes $300,000 and the other makes $40,000, should the person with a higher income be able to live a luxurious lifestyle while the one making $40,000 lives a humble working class lifestyle?

No, the person making $300k should be covering 88% of expenses, all other things being equal, as I originally stated.

 

[nhule8805]

@jesusandusin2023 They should be pooling all their money together. There should be no splitting and no percentages. No math. It’s just ours.

“Our home.”

“Our mortgage.”

“Our money.”

“Our debt.”

“Our children.”

When you get married, your pronouns change from “my” to “our” and from “I” to “we.”

 

[michaelangelo7]

@nhule8805 Strongly disagree. There are plenty of valid reasons to keep some separation, particularly when eldercare and filial responsibility come into play.

 

[jesusandusin2023]

@nhule8805 Well, speaking as someone who did that when he was married, and just paid off related debt from that mistake 10 years ago last week, I disagree. It can be a very large, very expensive mistake.

 

[solomnpromise]

@jesusandusin2023 Ok but what if she's an HVAC tech in Arizona and he's an office worker and they both work 40 hours. If 60 hours is harder than 40 and she should "get more" for that, should she "get more" if her job is harder but the same number of hours?

 

[jesusandusin2023]

@solomnpromise Of course.

 

[sriad]

@jesusandusin2023 The 50/50 that i know, is what the couple has to contribute 50% of the total expenses regardless of how much each one earns, and also if the wife stays home longer so she does the chores, and the husband contribute more of that 50%.
Also, not putting that 30k$ in the 100k$ of his income and add to 170k$ of hers with the justificatio of "i di not made this money on regular hours" is stupid to me.

 

[jesusandusin2023]

@sriad Why would you each contribute 50% if one earns more though? You're not earning 50/50, why would you contribute 50/50?

 

[sriad]

@jesusandusin2023 Expenses that decide, not how much we earn, if some1 wants equality, they should know that it is about obligations first and not rights.

 

[onejeremias]

@sriad This is the only right answer.

 

[chad38]

@theologypoet What kind of debt do you carry? If it’s anything higher than 4% interest I’d say it’s a non-starter. All extra income should hit that.

This might be more for r/relationships than here. Y’all need to have shared goals.

 

[smultronst%C3%A4llet]

@theologypoet Relationship question, not financial. But no, your husband is a douche

 

[hedgywah]

@smultronst%C3%A4llet Personal finance is usually personal

 

[smultronst%C3%A4llet]

@hedgywah Okay?

 

[johnnyusa59]

@smultronst%C3%A4llet (They’re agreeing with you)

 

[trang1966]

@theologypoet There is no "right" or "wrong" this is a personal decision between you and your spouse. I would say the best thing would be to pool the money like you do everything else. However, I see some folks already name-calling the husband. So for devil's advocate, remember he is doing this on his free time. Rather than read, or nap, or game or whatever, he is spending time earning. So I would dig more into why he wants the money. $30k a year of personal play money is no small amount. Maybe give him more control in the budget, let him feel involved. Perhaps help him budget that 30k for the thing he wants.

I am the budgeter in our household and these kinds of questions with my wife have been very beneficial towards reaching our savings goals, rather than just running over the other person and saying "YOU MUST GIVE ALL YOUR MONEY TO THE BUDGET AND AGREE WITH MY STRATEGY." (Not saying you are doing that mind you, but that can be the perception."