I am in my 20s, and my father is asking me to pay 150,000 yen per month for rent.

[buffalopat]

@mellie Not even the fathers well-being, it’s his pride

 

[sahrrie]

@mpax38 This is a good example of a shift in culture that we are seeing all over Asia.

The past generations expected that when they got old, they would live with their child and help raise he grandkids. The traditional Japanese household with three generations under one roof. They expected that becuase that's how a lot of them grew up.

Unfortunately, younger generations now know that their kids (if they even have kids) are not going to fully support them when the get old, so they get the worst of everything.

So you need to make a choice:

- Continue to support your parents, knowing that you also somehow need to save up for the future as it unlikely that you will have the same support when you get old.

- Get your father to realize he miscalculated what future Japanese society would be like. Have him apply for welfare and work out a plan where he somehow continues to stay in the house under your name, or finds more reasonable accommodation.

You can still support your parents without sacrificing your own future.

You are not alone. Pretty much every family has to make these kinds of decisions at some point. Every person needs to swallow a little pride when they get too old to support themself.

 

[destinedtorein]

@mpax38 Whatever you do, do it now. Being Japanese, your father will most likely live for another 10+ years or even 20 years, but by the time your father died, you will be in your 40s but without enough saving for starting anything you wanted to do.

 

[flor]

@mpax38 They should move to a small, inexpensive apartment and begin receiving government assistance for elderly.
There are many inexpensive apartments. Between your Father’s pension and your mother’s work, they should certainly be able to afford something, and receiving government assistance is very common for elderly.

If he’s 80 then he should also start using the kaigo services for elderly. There are many, many programs to assist the elderly because of course pension is not enough. He should not expect you to replace the government. Tell him that he has a right to utilize those services because he’s worked and paid taxes his whole life. Now he deserves to get the benefits. That’s how the system is designed.

 

[mpax38]

@flor My mother will most likely not support my father, but even so, it should be manageable. Your plan is perfect, the main issue just being if my dad is willing to let that happen. This sounds terrible, but he wouldn’t want to settle for a small apartment or want to admit that he is old yet…
Thank you for your comment regardless, I will definitely try to opt for this!

 

[jewelpet]

@mpax38 there was some document I saw while back where young people are losing their chance in life because they take care of their parents. It is good if you can take care of your parents and I would do the same, however if you start it too early in 20s then you will not have enough resources to do it. your own life progress will suffer. either financially or socially or both. It sounds hard but I would just simply say straight up that you cannot afford it and your father needs to look at the reality instead of living in the past when he had higher standard of living. what is pride anyway if you are making your son to pay for your rent?

 

[annonguy]

@mpax38 Mark my words, if you continue to allow your father to do this to you, YOU ARE HIGHLY LIKELY TO DO THIS TO YOUR FUTURE SON.

Destroying the curse of your father can start with you. It doesn't have to extend to your kids unless you let it.

 

[razman10]

@mpax38 It sounds weird that your dad is wealthy (was even a CEO) but did not buy a property to settle down for the rest of his life? And does not have savings and investments that can support himself and his family...

For 3 people, 150k a month rent doesn't sound like a big house either. I'm sure there are cheaper alternatives for similar sizes.

Sounds to me you have a moral obligation to take care of your dad but he is abusing this relationship. Since the house is under your name, you should just make your own decision, perhaps move the entire family to a cheaper place. And of course like what others have said, increasing your income is a natural path to take.

 

[mpax38]

@razman10 Thank you for your comment.

Yes, he was amongst the rich during the bubble era, and is proud to “have kept the economy running” by using up all of his money. He slowly sold land and his expensive watches to pay off my college tuition and now is left with nothing. I will always appreciate this.

The house is actually amazing for 150k, but is still too much for me to pay. I will most likely make a hard decision with him whether he agrees or not.

 

[fr33indeed]

@mpax38 No pension or savings on his side either ? Coming from wealthy family are there no relatives to help ?
But yea ...it's a tough one , good luck , whichever you would choose