@fisherking Sorry but you totally don’t understand the situation. Can you please read it again? Your comment sounds like you think the dad is complaining that the son needs to pay more/make more money due to some fault of the son. This is wrong!
The problem is the dad is 80 and too poor. Son is paying for all of dad’s life. The dad can go to the city office and get government benefits to help himself but is too proud to do so. Dad is selfishly wanting the son to pay to take care of dad, even though it’s taking away the son’s future and savings. Dad is basically blackmailing/guilt-tripping the son to pay. If the son moves out and lives his life, dad would rather die instead of asking the government for help
@onthemoon Yes, I understand and I’m telling you he should tell his dad he will try to get a better job. At least this way the dad stops complaining and when he asks about the job situation he can say he is looking or improving his skills.
His dad is 80 and doesn’t have much time left the son should do whatever he can to make the father happy.
Also his 27 making 25man he should definitely be working on himself and get a better job he obviously has good English and most likely fluent Japanese there is no reason he should not be making 5 million unless his in the country side.
@mpax38 One thing to consider since he’s 80. He may have undiagnosed mental health issues.
My mother had early onset dementia but until it had progressed severely, I assumed her unusual behaviour or convictions was “mom being unreasonable”. It was only in retrospect that I realized she was perceiving the world differently than reality.
@tinks Thank you for bringing this up. Yes, I’ve been starting to think about this as well. In any case, I will consider getting him checked, although it will be hard convincing him..
@mpax38 Maybe you could start with this. Hey dad I have read this article about dementia during advanced age. Lets go to a medical facility so it can help plan out the family situation.
@mpax38 Agree with other posts that best option is to move out and save yourself, while helping him apply for assistance.
Alternatively, you could try to increase your income- I think you should be able to find much better than 25万/month just by virtue of speaking native English and Japanese. Maybe try using some recruiting sites or agencies.
Another possibility if he insists on a large house, is to keep the size but downgrade the location to somewhere cheaper. Probably not feasible though, since this would mean more rural and isolated.
Best of luck, and whatever you do secure your own future before helping others! You don't want to look back in 50 years regretting your wasted young years.
Raising my income is possible (with effort haha), but I feel that it would not resolve the main issue and just make the amount I pay feel less significant.
The large house idea is great, I haven’t thought of that yet. He probably prefers the city, but definitely prioritizes the house size first.
@dlwscrappy I am working with one of my high school friends at a startup company! I'm not sure to what degree I can share the details of my job, but it's the most enjoyable aspect of my life. That earns me about 200,000 yen a month. I believe that as the company grows, I will earn more for this job.
I have a side hustle when I work as a speech/language therapist and work with kids with learning delays. I only work for about one hour per day for this job, earning me an extra 50,000 yen a month. I can easily increase the amount I work for this job to around 100,000.
@mpax38 Thanks OP, it sounds like you are happy with your career and current working situation. Wishing you all the best with it and hope you and your friend can successfully grow the company (and your income as a result)!
@mpax38 At 27 working a job you enjoy that has potential for growth is really cool. Sounds like you work really hard. I don't have advice but I hope your dad comes around somehow. I get you care about him but this is so unfair to you.
@mpax38 Dude I feel sorry for you. 150,000 yen rent on a 250,000 salary is brutal. I use to live on 250,000 yen in a 57,000 yen 1K apartment and I barely saved anything. Is your dad paying utilities? Still, that's pretty rough. Definitely move out into an apartment. Tell your dad he can come live with you but you might have to share a bed.
Unfortunately, I am paying for other expenses including utilities, groceries, pet food, and sometimes my dad even borrows money for me for transportation.
@mpax38 That's really bad. I have 3 kids myself and I want to help them be independent, not rely on them. I think your father and yourself should downsize to a small apartment and live separately. Just give him enough time to adapt. Tell him you want independence and he will understand. If he was sick and cannot work, I could understand, but he is working, right? I also understand there is more pressure in Japan to look after parents and live in the same house so it must be a difficult situation. I hope it works out for you.
@humbl3m1nd Brother, I’m in a similar situation. What did you spend that much money on? I make like 240k a month before taxes and my rent is 75k… I still save like 100k
@johnc1953 TBH, I did save 1M yen over 4 years and still did things like travel (a few international), going out, buying video games etc. Now I earn quite a lot more and it mostly goes to the family.
You're 27 years old - you need to build your own life.
Not to mention, you could pay 1/3 of that for rent.
Move out. Now. Like, yesterday. I get that family stuff is hard, but you cannot - CANNOT - sacrifice the rest of your life just because your family seems willing to do that to you.
I cannot fathom a parent that would happily sacrifice his child's future for his wellbeing.
You know what you need to do. If you don't fix this, whatever happens down the road is no longer your dad's fault, it's yours. FIX THIS NOW.
