I am in my 20s, and my father is asking me to pay 150,000 yen per month for rent.

[mpax38]

Hello Reddit,

I don’t usually post here but I am feeling a little desperate for some advice or just to hear what options I have.

I am currently 27 years old, Japanese citizen, grew up in the states so I know English.
I live with my dad (80 y/o) and mom (60 y/o) in a decent house. They are technically divorced but we still live together. The rent is 150,000 yen a month, and I pay for the whole thing, excluding utility fees. I only make about 250,000 yen a month, so I never get to save up money. I’ve been paying for a few years now and I have started to feel burdened.

The biggest problem is that my dad has too much pride to take 生活保護 (welfare? basically money from the government), meaning that I am trapped in this situation unless I abandon my dad. My mom is okay with anything, but she does not earn much and is trying to make a savings. My dad is too old to rent the house under his own name too.

What options do I have?
And to anyone who takes their time to read this, thank you!

Edit: More things worth mentioning:

• My dad is still working and insists that he can eventually pay for the bills. It’s not a salary based job, it’s a one time payment all or nothing kind of thing. My mom and I don’t believe that since he was unable to for the past few years. Plus, he’s 80!
• If I move out, my dad insists on living in the house alone and paying for it somehow. This is a huge problem since the house is under my name, and its very difficult to change it to my dad’s (they don’t let very old people have the responsibility to pay rent). Even if we were somehow able to change it to his name, I would dread leaving him there and being kicked out.
• My dad lived a wealthy life and says he can not bear living in a small house. He claims that his speakers are his greatest treasure, and they take up quite a bit of space. I don’t know if he is saying this seriously, but he says he’d rather die than live in a small 50000 yen/month house.

Edit again for clarification:

• Not 100% sure about this, but my dad always paid his company/business tax as the CEO in the past (from 30+ years ago), but never his personal tax. So, his pension money is minimum. I believe it’s 50,000 yen a month, so barely enough to sustain himself.

 

[darrellgc]

@mpax38 Too proud for welfare but not to proud to steal his child’s money and future (because you cannot save). Don’t understand parents like that.

 

[onthemoon]

@mpax38 Look, your dad doesn’t really seem to care about you if he is forcing you to subsidize his life instead of simply getting the money from the government. Have you spoken to him about this?

Ultimately you need to live your life. Move out cheaper and then help him to apply for assistance

 

[mpax38]

@onthemoon I have, and he told me that there is no greater humiliation than getting money from the government. I’m not going to share all of the family drama here, but it has been rough.

Thank you for the comment though, I will probably move out soon and force him to apply.

 

[fgeh]

@mpax38 He paid into a pension. Is he getting money from that? It's literally HIS money, set aside for his old age.

 

[kg1963]

@fgeh His taxes also provide the funding for welfare (seikatsu hogo), and welfare exists precisely for situations like this. The old man’s an asshole who would rather harm his family members for years instead of spend an hour filling out forms and talking to a bored civil servant.

 

[deeptikamat]

@fgeh This right here. Maybe take him to the pension office and have them explain it?

 

[hvantress]

@deeptikamat I like this suggestion. Tell them you’re just going to ask some questions and perhaps they can help de-stigmatize it.

 

[deeptikamat]

@hvantress Agreed a lot of people just need to hear something from someone else, no matter how right you are. Tbh I'm a little worried that his father might have some cognitive impairment if he's unaware of how a pension works. He should have been getting that at least 15 years ago if he's 80.

 

[losangelesbutterfly]

@fgeh basic pension isn't much

 

[someguycalledwolf]

@mpax38 Surely taking from your children is more humiliating than taking from the government.

 

[gracemercy]

@someguycalledwolf Not in most East Asian cultures. The culture is all about raising your kids to support you in your old life because of distrust of government and being apathetic to politics.

 

[funker]

@gracemercy Finally, somebody that gets it. Well said.

 

[eclatunlimited]

@gracemercy Yup. Children are always seen as a retirement plan in Asia.

In some Asian countries, there are even laws to ensure that children bear the burden of their parent's bills.

 

[ralphdavewestfall]

@mpax38 Tell him that the "money from government" is actually his own money as he paid taxes for

 

[narrowisthepath]

@mpax38 Would he even qualify given you, the son, make money? I thought one of the biggest factors for receiving welfare was whether there was a family that could support it. Either way, I think you'd have to break the tie...

 

[mpax38]

@narrowisthepath Technically no he doesn’t qualify. He would have to claim that I do not support him anymore and he has nowhere else to go. Yes, breaking the tie seems like the most realistic option

 

[kg1963]

@mpax38 Your father thinks getting some of his taxes back is humiliating? And that there is no greater humiliation than that?

Clearly he needs a refresher course on humiliation. There are way more humiliating things.

 

[resjudicata]

@mpax38 You need to understand how the government money works. They will call all the alive family member, his brother sisters aunt oncle and whatnot, asking them if THEY cannot help him instead of the government. So ultimately it will come back to you and everyone will know your father is broke :/

edit: not to say you have a good situation, it’s very shitty. just to explain why your father say it’s dishonorable

 

[guardian116]

@resjudicata They would already know if I was his son. Would have been telling them for years.