How to plan for aging Mom's retirement

[mike4glory]

@fooldani My recommendation is that she stays where she is while she’s working, but if she leaves the job for whatever reason and or is planning on taking another job, that she moves closer to you. Maybe that’s the time to downsize to an efficiency, or a small affordable apartment, or even a senior apartment. Whether she lives with you or not is up to you, and it doesn’t even have to be a permanent decision, maybe she starts out independent and then you see where it goes from there. Living with your parents is not something I would recommend, but we do what we need to do to keep our parents from being homeless.

Long distance caregiving is 100% not a thing. If she experiences health problems, starts ending up in the emergency room, becomes a danger to herself, begins to experience cognitive decline, things can get very ugly very fast for you, and the difference between being 2000 miles away, and being 10 miles away is the difference between manageable and unmanageable. Keep in mind you also miss a lot of things when you are so far away, and it is very easy to miss signs of cognitive decline until the situation becomes dire. Long-distance elderly assistance is possibly the most frustrating experience of my life and you can go from everything’s OK to everything is shit overnight.

All of this unfortunately is hard won knowledge. She’s in good shape right now but mid 70s is usually when this stuff starts to pop up, and heading into 80s it’s an expectation. You’ve got some time to plan and I agree the financial planning should come first but these are absolutely things that you should not sleep on.

I would also proactively read a little bit about Medicaid eligibility and get solid on those requirements because there’s a good chance she’s going to need it and you do not want her eligibility screwed up based on decisions that you’re making now.

Make sure she’s got DNR, POLST, and power of attorney paperwork set up so they are ready when you need them.

 

[fooldani]

@mike4glory Thanks, really good perspective and feedback on long distance caregiving. Love the ideas on getting familiar with Medicaid, and some of those other terms/acronyms you mentioned. I’m not familiar with any of that at all.

The goal is definitely to get here closer, but we live in a much more expensive area. That makes it tough(er).

 

[mike4glory]

@fooldani Yeah get the financial plan in place first. You have some time on the other stuff and can educate yourself as you go.

I live in San Diego and know a few people who moved their parents to towns an hour east ….
Assisted living is cheaper there, senior apartments are cheaper there. And you can get there driving with an hour.

We are currently paying 10K/mo for a parent in assisted living in San Diego (lowest level of care) which is obviously not sustainable for many people and is not covered by Medicaid/Medicare.

Once plane rides are required, forget it. They might as well be on the moon.

 

[fooldani]

@jason5431 Some work to do on figuring that out.

 

[jason5431]

@fooldani I see a comment about potentially buying a small home for her nearby; is there any chance to create a suite for her in your home? Or making the move to a home that would be suitable?

 

[fooldani]

@jason5431 In our existing home, no. However, in five years, it’s something we’ve considered for our next home that ideally would be a longer term/future home. Comparing that with us aiding an apartment/condo, or small TH, in our area, will be part of the exercise.

 

[jason5431]

@fooldani Great. Certainly assess her health at the time and make the decision then. The 2nd home as an asset would likely appreciate faster as an investment, but having her within your home would make providing care easier. Pros and cons to everything, as always.

I advise you to look into the costs of assisted living facilities; they are atrocious.

 

[poporetto]

@fooldani One obvious thing to consider is if she would be able and willing to cut down on fixed expenses. I get that moving to a lower COL area is not always an option. My husband and I are firmly set in NYC at this point and my parents would never want to move hours away from us, and I wouldn’t want them to either. But could she possibly move to somewhere cheaper in the same area by downsizing or looking into senior-specific options? Cutting down on expenses would also provide some extra cushion for if she ends up unable/unwilling to work for as long as you have planned for her.