@resjudicata Are you me? Not too far off my experience...
How has divorce affected u financially?
- Thread starter jsw3883
- Start date
resjudicata
New member
@jsw3883 For everyone 1 divorced person living in a 2m apartment there are 100s if not 1000s living in cheap housing looking for the next person they can shack up with for love and more importantly share a house with so they have financial breathing room.
They have kids and won in the divorce deal. Or have rich parents.
Getting divorced sounds so so expensive and financially sets back so many people. But from what I have Heard the freedom is worth it if the marriage sucks. I have been around many divorced people.
They have kids and won in the divorce deal. Or have rich parents.
Getting divorced sounds so so expensive and financially sets back so many people. But from what I have Heard the freedom is worth it if the marriage sucks. I have been around many divorced people.
resjudicata
New member
@jsw3883 My partner went from a lovely home to a small flat after his divorce. She didn't screw him over or anything its just that, like you, once all was said and done, it was all he could get on one income. But now, we are building a new life together and slow and steady getting ahead.
I think its def easier if you meet a new partner. You really need two incomes for anything more than a flat these days.
I think its def easier if you meet a new partner. You really need two incomes for anything more than a flat these days.
@jsw3883 Quite a lot.
I actually paid for 95% of our apartment because I earned more money.
When we divorced, I made sure she got %50 of it anyway (Note we were married and living in CHina, so I did not have to do this) because she worked really hard with the children and I wanted to make sure she was provided for.
Then covid came and I was forced to come back to Australia with the children. So now I'm a single dad with two teens...
Now she lives rent free in the apartment in China, whereas I am a renter in Australia again...and as I'm old now (over 60) I always will be.
I'm a bit sad about it but ..the apartment is supposed to be sold when both kids have turned 18. That's part of our divorce agreement; unless BOTH parties agree not to sell then it must be sold.
But now...I'm not sure if I want to. Maybe I should just leave it for her to live in if she wants to, she's over 50 now herself...still thinking about it.
I actually paid for 95% of our apartment because I earned more money.
When we divorced, I made sure she got %50 of it anyway (Note we were married and living in CHina, so I did not have to do this) because she worked really hard with the children and I wanted to make sure she was provided for.
Then covid came and I was forced to come back to Australia with the children. So now I'm a single dad with two teens...
Now she lives rent free in the apartment in China, whereas I am a renter in Australia again...and as I'm old now (over 60) I always will be.
I'm a bit sad about it but ..the apartment is supposed to be sold when both kids have turned 18. That's part of our divorce agreement; unless BOTH parties agree not to sell then it must be sold.
But now...I'm not sure if I want to. Maybe I should just leave it for her to live in if she wants to, she's over 50 now herself...still thinking about it.
@jsw3883 Marriage affected me negatively. I had two properties, solid cash savings, higg super for my age, a decent income and most importantly, full control over my finances. He had one property, zero savings despite a decent income, and no sense of financial responsibility.
While our household income was high, I was constantly stressed by his inability to manage money.
I've taken the financial hit with divorce due to being primary carer (which I wouldn't change for the world) - not just due to ongoing costs like bills and day to day expenses, but also due to more $$ lifestyle decisions for the sake of my kid e.g. I chose a location that has good schools and is relatively close to her dad, I chose a larger property that can accommodate both of us.
While our household income was high, I was constantly stressed by his inability to manage money.
I've taken the financial hit with divorce due to being primary carer (which I wouldn't change for the world) - not just due to ongoing costs like bills and day to day expenses, but also due to more $$ lifestyle decisions for the sake of my kid e.g. I chose a location that has good schools and is relatively close to her dad, I chose a larger property that can accommodate both of us.
ammarnaeem
New member
@jsw3883 Observed a friend of mine go through it. His ex refused to let him see the kids (no good reason except spite). This maximised the child support he had to pay plus it affected the divorce settlement so he got 30%.
He’s never been the same, retired poor whereas before he was well off. The kids now left home and don’t have a good relationship with either parent and one of them went off the rails.
This is by no means an extraordinary story or rare.
He’s never been the same, retired poor whereas before he was well off. The kids now left home and don’t have a good relationship with either parent and one of them went off the rails.
This is by no means an extraordinary story or rare.
@ammarnaeem It's crazy to me that parental alienation is still barely recognized by the courts. The long term damage it does to kids is immeasurable, and often doesn't make itself apparent until the child becomes an adult.
loveandpeacex1111
New member
@ammarnaeem So sad these kind of stories. As a father of a young child, I can't imagine life taking me down this road - and how hard it would be to live with. Then again, it can happen to anyone!
ammarnaeem
New member
@loveandpeacex1111 It’s horrific. My suggestion to all is to think very carefully about the downsides. Sometimes it’s inevitable and if one wants to go then it happens anyway.
People might think that because they have broken up with girlfriends before it’s similar but I’m reality it’s nothing like it, especially when kids are involved.
A lot of the guys that I’ve seen have come off badly. I also left out the crippling legal fees from the short summary above.
People might think that because they have broken up with girlfriends before it’s similar but I’m reality it’s nothing like it, especially when kids are involved.
A lot of the guys that I’ve seen have come off badly. I also left out the crippling legal fees from the short summary above.
mikiathemormon
New member
@jsw3883 Most people are imprisoned in relationships because of finances. Australians boast about their high standard of living, but it really is a dual income ball & chain plus your soul set up. While this is not confined to Australia only, it is very very bleak due to Australia's isolation, high salaries, high inflation and very very high cost of living. Australians are very apathetic and unwilling to talk sincerely, apart from mental illnesses/ disorders (can't stop hearing about these), about their lives for obvious reasons.
People stay married because they can't afford to downgrade their living standards, lose what they built on two incomes, too lazy to move (this is something I noticed about Australians). Can be all of these too..
Almost forgot children. Australian children are much loved and make great adults that aren't feral, needy and entitled at all.
People stay married because they can't afford to downgrade their living standards, lose what they built on two incomes, too lazy to move (this is something I noticed about Australians). Can be all of these too..
Almost forgot children. Australian children are much loved and make great adults that aren't feral, needy and entitled at all.
@mikiathemormon Yes often wondered this if people stay in a relationship for financial reasons, its not a good foundation but I suspected it happens. We r both happier now despite our separation and financial deterioration.
mikiathemormon
New member
@jsw3883 Mental health translates into both healthier mind, body and your ability to relate better to others. Unfortunately, there is an unhappiness pandemic and most people are effected. Makes feeling happy among the madness mad. Good luck. Life is much better when you are happy. Don't worry about finances, you don't need much to be happy when you are happy. Unhappy people will shit on you so you join them in their misery. Misery loves company afterall.
@mikiathemormon This is very true. People talk about how women (or men) are stupid for not leaving abusive situations but a lot stay because the alternative is homelessness.
I was lucky to have a good well paying job and a very supportive family so I could leave.
I was lucky to have a good well paying job and a very supportive family so I could leave.
@jsw3883 2 years post-separation and doing much better.
My ex-h brought in 20% of the household income but believes he brought in more. Even when I was working part time or on mat leave, I was making more.
I walked away with nothing when we separated. I have 100% care of my child and receive no child support (he refuses to pay) but overall doing well with help from family.
The big financial worry now are legal fees as it’s looking more likely that we’ll end up in court as ex refuses to negotiate on anything.
My ex-h brought in 20% of the household income but believes he brought in more. Even when I was working part time or on mat leave, I was making more.
I walked away with nothing when we separated. I have 100% care of my child and receive no child support (he refuses to pay) but overall doing well with help from family.
The big financial worry now are legal fees as it’s looking more likely that we’ll end up in court as ex refuses to negotiate on anything.
@jsw3883 Lawyers fees, refusing to negotiate in a timely manner.
My exs lawyers were always wanting more disclosure of documents and week’s in between contact.
Both sets of lawyers just dragged it out, trying to bleed me dry and delay settlement.
So just a bit cynical and fixed price lawyers fees is a complete rort especially when they know the form for the other lawyers
My exs lawyers were always wanting more disclosure of documents and week’s in between contact.
Both sets of lawyers just dragged it out, trying to bleed me dry and delay settlement.
So just a bit cynical and fixed price lawyers fees is a complete rort especially when they know the form for the other lawyers
davidboyce77
New member
@jsw3883 Not me but my brother, but in addition to the financial issues he's now in - my take away is that he's a bit stuck where he lives now. He had a kid with his ex so both of their futures are now stuck where they are located because they can't really move away due to the kid being at school and if one moves the obviously the other wouldn't move as well.
My wife and I decided to move to Australia. My brother came here to visit and said he loved it and jokingly/seriously started looking into moving. He mentioned it in passing to the ex that he wanted to move here with the kid and (understandably) she went ballistic.
He's now roughly stuck in my home town or reasonable driving distance until the kid leaves home.
My wife and I decided to move to Australia. My brother came here to visit and said he loved it and jokingly/seriously started looking into moving. He mentioned it in passing to the ex that he wanted to move here with the kid and (understandably) she went ballistic.
He's now roughly stuck in my home town or reasonable driving distance until the kid leaves home.