How has divorce affected u financially?

[resjudicata]

@jsw3883 1 year on and I'm still alive, so I'm counting that as a plus!

Reasonably amicable- no cheating etc. 2 kids involved. I lost the house, got out with $70k.

We're both struggling big time, like yourself it's been an enormous financial hit for both of us.

Similarly, I've met lots of people in the same position but they aren't doing well. After 3 years people seem to brighten up a bit.

I've heard lots of divorcees have trouble keeping a follow-up relationship alive as the new partner is putting up with the old baggage. I just won't go there personally.

I've lost a lot of income switching from fulltime to part time work so I can actually get good time in with the kids. I try to see them every day but sometimes there are 4 day gaps which are soul destroying. So the financial hit continues with loss of wages.

It's all about the kids for me. I'll live in a van or a yacht but I won't stop seeing my kids and giving them the best.

 

[afrazier]

@jsw3883 My ex got the house. 5 years on still can't get a loan for a house with my new wife. Life's way better but some sore points.

Edit - it's mostly because together we have 5 kids (my 3) (her 2). I can't get any first home grants or any assistance similar alike ( not that I got any the first time ) all because I once had my name on a property for 3 years with nothing to show for it.

 

[16bit]

@afrazier Yep. I will be my partner's second wife (currently engaged) and the ex got the house. Refused to pay even a cent of equity to my partner. Got away with it because she could afford lawyers and my partner couldn't, has since moved in the boss she was having an affair with. I hope your new wife doesn't make it a point of contention in your relationship, I made that mistake and it caused resentment. Have had to unlearn it. Can't change the past.

 

[afrazier]

@16bit Nah we both just accept we both made bad choices with our ex's.

 

[crafty]

@jsw3883 I was in a DV marriage, but with a fully paid off house, savings, etc. I left with

 

[jsw3883]

@crafty A DV situation is just horrible i know of a few and its heartbreaking to hear how one partner is trapped idk how people can be like this to one another, very sad and disturbing. So pleased that u got away from that toxicity, and back on u r feet and doing well now xx. Our mental, physiological and physical health and safety is the most important of all.

 

[resjudicata]

@jsw3883 I always knew this would happen, so before marriage, I put my apartment in my Mums name and gave her 200k as a thank you for raising me. I lost alot but I always knew about the 50% divorce risk so planned way ahead. I live free in my Mums extra apartment.

 

[chromechris]

@jsw3883 Why did I look at OPS post history

 

[amarie07]

@chromechris Dudes divorce so bad he turned gay

 

[jsw3883]

@amarie07 Something like that!

 

[resjudicata]

@jsw3883 Who'd have thought gay people can't be concerned about their finances these days

 

[andreic86]

@amarie07 Understandable

 

[ivyandroses]

@chromechris Damnit man, I had to look.

 

[jsw3883]

@chromechris Yes do not do this!!!

 

[tiavina]

@jsw3883 Yeah... nearly became homeless myself and am grateful that a work colleague let me stay at his place as I rebuilt my financial life. I worked hard at getting rid of my debt and it took a long time.

I'm 16 years post divorce. I've remarried, have bought a house with my new wife and am on track to retire with dignity, even though I was broke AF for years. Along the way, I've learned how to budget and don't waste money. My new wife has much the same approach to money as I do, so that makes that easy.

My ex did not have that approach at all and was a significantly spender.

I've only just finished paying child support, so our take home income has gone up by $20K per annum. We still live like we did when I was paying child support- the money just goes towards our financial goals now.

My ex has never really wanted to talk to me since we divorced. Whatever. I believe she's now struggling and that actually makes me sad. Her current situation has affected her relationship with our kids, and I hope there's the opportunity that those bridges get mended. She had an amazing opportunity to build wealth by getting her share of our assets, no debt and good child support payments- but apparently didn't. She's now asset rich and cash poor, so at least has the opportunity to sell up if needed.

So I'd say that the years of struggle have done me well. I'd hate to do it all over again, but I also know that if I had to, I can.

Financially, it will always affect me. I'm very, very wary of credit card debt and want this mortgages ee have gone. But I also have more money coming in and look forward to retiring well.

 

[alice03]

@jsw3883 Ex had insecure employment and didn't contribute as much as I did. I could afford the house without them so bought them out for a very reasonable sum. House is close to being paid off and double the value it was then (6 years ago). Both kept our own super, but mine was much more. No kids.

Afforded the mortgage on my own just fine for a few years (interest rates were much lower). Travelled, invested, enjoyed life without the dead weight.

I have a new partner now that is hardworking, same goals as me, makes more money than I do, motivated, handy, better person in every way. Wake up feeling lucky every day.

I'd say I was more negatively impacted by shackling myself to the wrong person for 5 years than the actual divorce.

 

[beeyahman]

@alice03 Sounds like you're winning at life

 

[lightfollower]

@jsw3883 Sold the house, 71k in legal fees, less than 50% assets retained and see my kid 2 nights per week as of this week. Child support decreases with more overnights. Cash flow is tight when there are no overnights and legal fees mount up.

I moved in with my sister for four months to save some cash. Now that I’ve got my own place and living by myself, I’m loving it.

Might suck financially but I am far happier and I know I can re-build. Took a lot of lessons learnt and I can protect my assets better in future.

 

[resjudicata]

@jsw3883 Wrecked me. Still recovering 5 years later.

Consider your current financial position. Imagine spending 50k+ each on legal fees, having to rapidly sell any joint real estate at buyer's prices, then giving the other party 60%+ of what's left. Also you need to rapidly find housing with 3+ bedrooms, because they're trying to block the kids' access to you too. I hope you don't need that credit rating because they've defaulted on debts with your name on it.

 

[prima]

@resjudicata My older bro spent $150k on legal fees and then still had to pay his ex $50k. She wanted $500k plus full custody. She ended up with $50k but spent $70k on legal fees. Her custody arrangement is 6 hours per week and 1 day per fortnight (Friday night to Saturday 6pm).

Brother is broke but happy as a mofo, kids are great too because we live together now.