How has divorce affected u financially?

[jsw3883]

For people been thru divorce/separation, how has it impacted u financially? I went thru divorce in 2018 and its kinda screwed both myself and partner financially. It was completely amicable but what it meant was shifting from a comfortable 2x income + existence to 1x single Y struggles.

Splitting equity of the house we jointly owned (about 450k split between 2 so 225k each), after costs of sale, then deposit, stamp duty on re purchasing something much smaller, cost of moving and getting places set up again we r both (ex and I) in much more difficult & precarious financial circumstances.

Basically deteriorated from decent equity + asset base, paying down loan rapidly, comfortable income etc to... small deposit, high LVR, low equity, single income, high - mortgage stress % repayments (50%+ after tax) to service mortgage to get on with our lives. Even without nasty legal fees its been really difficult and destructive financially for both of us, plus we've missed out on approx 600k cap growth in house value since we sold in 2018.

Then again i lived in 2x apartment blocks post divorce where there appeared to be many wealthy, mid 40s, ex divorcees in 1.8 million + apartments (i rented small 1brs in same blocks) living pretty happy comfy lives. They were lovely to connect with but i was also like wtf howd u get out of a divorce like that!?

Whays your experience been like?

Edit:
And how did u rebuild financially

Edit 2: Thank u all for your stories and experiences its great to see that for many of us; with time, we have navigated the upheaval, trauma and survived to be happier in our lives despite the challenges faced. For those not there yet stay strong and hopefully youll get there too

 

[homeowner]

@jsw3883 It was amazing for me

I'd lost everything before the divorce so I was already broke. My ex wife and I were completely incompatible financially so even when we had some money she'd get rid of it as quickly as she could

Getting divorced from her meant I didn't have to constantly fight that battle, and I've ended up with someone who's on the same page as me when it comes to money. If anything I'm the spender.

And now, a little over a decade post divorce I'm pretty comfortable financially.

 

[jsw3883]

@homeowner Nice, well done, good to hear a rebuilding good news story xx

 

[brandonm27]

@jsw3883 My ex wife was withdrawing cash on credit cards to fund her cocaine habit. My finances have improved considerably now we’re divorced

 

[cheduna]

@brandonm27 Yes, not a cocaine habit but leaving my ex meant leaving his terrible spending habits and financial incompetence. Even though the household income at the time halved I was immediately more financially safe which was eye opening. Long term it also allowed me to prioritise my own career and dramatically increase my income in the following years, so the net gains have compounded.

 

[scottishsoul]

@cheduna Same story for me and yes, it’s an eye opener in many ways.

 

[jsw3883]

@brandonm27 Eeek that sux, tbh my ex was similar, but buying luxury designer shoes etc (mail delivered to work) haha but we could even afford those at the time (not as bad as a coke habit tho). We laugh about the designer purchases now (cause she shops at kmart n target these days) - its good natured banter.

 

[resjudicata]

@jsw3883 It's great that you two can still have that level of banter.

 

[jsw3883]

@resjudicata Yeah our mutual friends - we still catch up together at times - all say to both of us how she used to boss me around and wear the pants....they say it now but didnt dare say anything when we were together. Its very funny tbh and even worse she admits it....says "yeah i did, good hey!"

 

[abexiii]

@jsw3883 It certainly makes a difference if you can maintain a good relationship hey. I think that when a relationship has soured and it all becomes nasty the fallout is so much harder to recover and move on from

 

[jsw3883]

@abexiii Yes agreed after a few mnths space, separation, where we sorted out our relationship demons, im eternally grateful we were able to re connect as the friends we had always been and this enabled us to thankfully navigate a divorce outcome that was mutually agreeable and free of lawyer involvement. Funny story i was home sick in bed with the flu when ex burst in and handed me papers right we r getting a divorce now (were already separated), she never minced words or held back with me

 

[abexiii]

@jsw3883 Good for both of you. The significance of such an amicable process sans lawyers to your financial and emotional well-being is immeasurable

 

[keziahnz]

@jsw3883 Maybe mention to her to try the OP shops. They have some barely worn designer stuff pretty cheap. So cost is comparable to Kmart. But very cool items to be had.

 

[jsw3883]

@keziahnz Haha good tips but she's actually perfectly happy with more basic stuff now, shes got the whole designer brand thing out of her system guveb shed have to pay for it herself - we have a good laugh about this stuff. I just tell her she'd better not have sold those Burberry, Givenchy and LV bags i bought her as presents, then she'd be in trouble how times change and yeah we r both happier in most respects

 

[keziahnz]

@jsw3883 That’s good to hear. Well it sounds like things are doing better being apart for sure.

 

[freedom7]

@jsw3883 My finances have improved greatly as we were asymmetric with respect to earning and spending i.e. I earnt lions share and saved everything. Partner earnt effectively 0 and spent everything I saved

I had money and was comfortable people thinking I am poor. She was poor and didn't like people thinking she was poor.

 

[isaac4]

@freedom7 This sounds like me and my ex husband. I earned more at the time, he earned less, I saved, he spent on every damn new hobby but never ever ever actually did the hobby for more than a couple days even though he spend thousands on setting up each one. I now earn much less than what I did and less than half of what he currently earns and he has nothing to show for his money, nothing, probably has loans on his 2 cars too. I probably look poor because I don't buy fancy crap, but I'm comfortable financially.

 

[rackfinity017]

@isaac4 This sounds like my situation (I'm not divorced though), turns out my spouse has ADHD and medication has made a world of difference.

 

[serllpcb]

@jsw3883 I’ve heard it said that divorce sets a person back 5 years financially on average.

 

[maygrace]

@serllpcb Must have gotten lucky then. I'm way ahead just over 2 years later. An interesting situation for me, but ultimately part of being happier is actually spending less money. So I've got a decent chunk in the offset, have made some major improvements to the house and even ended up with the car paid off.