Depressed and in debt

[dr_tan]

Not sure what to do anymore. I’ve tried financial plans and going to the command financial counselor. I’m separated from my spouse (mil to mil im in WA, he’s in Japan) and I miss him so much.

I have $19k on my car at 12%,
$9k navy federal platinum card 18%,
$5k navy federal rewards card 6%,
$700 discount tire 0%,
$2k best buy 0%,
$13k student loans,
Gym membership is $50/month and at a 1 yr contract

I’m an E-4 making roughly $2200/month.

I feel like I try so hard to pay down and I just keep falling into a deeper hole. It’s all my fault. I don’t want to struggle anymore. Also they’ve been giving me BAH for a month and threatening to take it away, and make me pay it back what they gave me, since my spouse and I are not colocated. I have to be on board for 1 year in order to get colocated apparently. 11 more months to go, if I even make it that long. I was at a shore command for 2 years prior to getting to my sea duty.

I’m just a lost sailor, not sure what to do anymore. I don’t have a barracks and not sure if I can get one if I’m married.

 

[stalis2003]

@dr_tan Army here , but finances are finances.
1. Don’t be depressed, financial literacy is not taught openly you have to seek it .
2. Most soldiers /sailors /airmen have some debt . And being a former Company Commander your financial situation isn’t bad.
3. Read “Total Money Makeover “ (Dave Ramsey) , utilize the debt snowball method , focus on smallest debt (Discount tire $700) then once paid off shift to the Best Buy 2$k,etc . It will take time but as you promote up in rank apply the pay increase to debts and you’ll be G2G.

 

[dr_tan]

@stalis2003 Yeah, i’ve been trying the Avalanche method where you pay the higher interest ones first but I don’t think it’s working out for me. Definitely going to do the snowball method.

 

[resjudicata]

@stalis2003 Can’t agree with this enough. Dave Ramsey really changed my trajectory.

If OP can sell the car, might be able to go from 50k ish to 40k ish in debt.

Grind for a bit to make E5 and this could get paid off in 2-3 years.

 

[hopeful471968]

@stalis2003 Great advice brother! Good luck and things get better OP.

 

[misdemeanourthomas]

@stalis2003 Tbh, Ramsey is good with the mental side of things, but if you can handle it mentally, knocking out that 18% debt is much smarter.

 

[abidingpatri0t]

@dr_tan Please go to the chaplain or mental health ASAP. You need someone to help you shoulder this. You don't need to do this alone.

There are so many free and available resources to help you get to the other side of this. Please let them help you.

This is beyond a financial problem if you are using words like you are. Please go get help now.

Mental Health Resources

• Air Force Mental Health Resources
• Navy Mental Health Resources

If you need help right now National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK) Veterans press 1 to reach specialized support. (Here's what to expect when you call)

Chat online - For those that aren't comfortable calling someone

Text for support (Text to 838255)

Military One Source - Read about SilentD's experience here. And another positive story. Chat or call for support. Military One Source will set you up with 12 free counseling sessions with a civilian counselor in your area.

Or, walk into an emergency room if you are a danger to yourself or others.

Over 100 people in this community have volunteered to chat if someone needs to vent to. Please talk to them! (Please note these individuals are not trained counselors, but are willing to listen if you have something to talk about)

 

[kitty346]

@dr_tan Hey! I’m sorry you’re struggling. If it helps, I did financial counseling for military members for years and I’ve seen many people recover from situations worse than yours.

If your CFS hasn’t been that helpful, go see the professional financial counselor at FFSC or through Military One Source. Have you talked to your spouse about this? Even though you’re geographically separated, you’re a team and this is something to tackle together. Even if you choose to keep finances separate, it’s important to be on the same page.

Were you colocated before he went to Japan? If so, you should keep BAH. If not, you’re not eligible and are treated like a single Sailor for Housing purposes, so you should be eligible for a barracks room if other single sailors are.

You can do this! Are you interested in more specific advice? It would be helpful to know all your other expenses (food, Personal care, entertainment, cell phone, etc) and minimum payments.

 

[dr_tan]

@kitty346 I have talked to my spouse, he is very supportive and wants to help pay, but I just can’t take his money. He’s been very helpful but because of how high it is, I don’t want to get his finances involved. I talked to my NC1 today and she said I should be good on the BAH which sounds promising.

 

[davidcochrane]

@dr_tan Talk to your CFS. Stop talking to everyone else and go get a finance plan at Fleet and Family Services so they can help you. Stop asking Reddit. Go make an appointment. You are approved to miss work for these appointments.

Supplemental help from folks online is fine. But use the best resources then work your way down. Your best resource currently is CFS. Call and schedule an appointment tomorrow. Put a reminder in your phone. Go once a month for accountability.

 

[tennis4375]

@davidcochrane To clarify, a CFS is the Command Financial Specialist in the unit who went to one week of training and hopefully took some of the refresher courses. Fleet and Family Services has Personal Financial Managers who have to have a professional financial designation and who teach the CFS classes. Your advice is good but you are using the wrong terminology which makes it a little confusing.

 

[davidcochrane]

@tennis4375 CFS has the resources for finance issues and will likely get OP admin release from work to go talk to the finance counselors in FFS. Which terminology was wrong?

 

[tennis4375]

@davidcochrane “Talk to your CFS. Stop talking to everyone else and go get a finance plan at Fleet and Family Services so they can help you.”

I read it to mean “Talk to your CFS at FFSC.” If that’s not what you meant, my apologies.

 

[nothinges]

@dr_tan

I have talked to my spouse, he is very supportive and wants to help pay, but I just can’t take his money.

I think you need to get over this.

When you got married, you legally decided to combine your assets. That includes debt. That's why you can file a joint tax return and get a bigger deduction.

It's not just his money and it's not just your debt.

 

[lizzieb90]

@dr_tan Depressed and in debt looks like a slogan for a lot of military . Just add in divorced also

 

[almunday]

@lizzieb90 That’s because it’s the first time kids see money in their life and go crazy and leadership isn’t there to help and the command financial specialist is only doing it to get a bullet on their eval but is not helpful.

 

[holywalk]

@almunday I don't think it's fair to blame leadership for personal finance. If the member asks for help and they fail to point you in the right direction, then sure. Other than that - everyone is an adult. They can do research on their own and shouldn't need their hand held.

The military already has significantly more resources for everyone to use than your average company. McDonalds doesn't teach personal finance, and yet you don't see people blaming the managers for it.

 

[almunday]

@holywalk It’s part of taking care of your people and being proactive to stop people from getting in the situation above. Even if that’s better briefs at safety stand downs or pre deployment briefs. If they are struggling at home how are they going to perform for you at work. And working at McDonald’s vs the military is significantly different

 

[iknowthetruth]

@dr_tan Refinance car at credit union, do balance transfer to another credit card for 0% interest for a year, cancel gym membership and work out outside or on base. Start side hustle of door dash or task rabbit.

 

[rae23]

@dr_tan I'm not a financial guru by any means but if I were you....

It seems overwhelming but you can certainly make it work.

Lets go with the freebies, if you can, cancel your gym membership and go on base. There's 50 a month.

Next I'd go with the car, sell it and get a cheap-ish (think 5-6k) older Toyota, it's not cool but man not having a car payment is awesome.

Moving on, let's look in to getting either a debt consolodation loan or at least in the meantime look for a 0% balance transfer card. Move that 14k of high interest CC debt into either the 0% card and pay down for 21 months or use the lower interest loan and pay it off through that method.

The 0% best buy and tire debt just pay the minimums for now and focus on that higher interest stuff first.

The student loans, I'd just do the minimums until you knock out the other debt and then drop the hammer on them once the other stuff is taken care of.

So, your situation is totally doable, it's just gonna take some tightening up and time. None of this stuff happens immediately so just keep at it, also you have a significant other so it's not just your finances it's both of you guys! Have him help out!