Am I wrong to believe that my partner buying a house with his mom, plus getting a van to live in, is a terrible idea?

[pastorjman]

@jparadise Not to mention bums trying to break into your van in the middle of the night.

 

[skar_for_christ]

@oneservant Drop it like it's hot.

You can't fix stupid, or family enmeshment, or stupid. Don't throw away your life on this person. You'll literally be paying to be in this fucked up scenario.

 

[lurya]

@oneservant Um so well you want the bad news or the really bad news first?

Honeybunny you don't really seem to be a part of his future plans, he's already committed to helping another woman with her life, you've only been together for a year and it's already messy, I'd say move on and find a guy with a lot less baggage.

He said he’d plan on buying with an SO (presumably me) in 3-5 years

Pretty much says it all, so if you wanna hang around for the next 3 or 5 or 10 years well that is up to you.

This guy has no idea what he is doing or what he is talking about, he was raised by a screw up and therefore has a screwed-up outlook on everything.

Good luck with whatever choices you make.

 

[kelligagnon]

@lurya Exactly. This 100%

 

[jordanl103]

@lurya

he's already committed to helping another woman with her life

What his mother? That North American culture, though. Ooof. Yeah, no shit you help your mother.

 

[lurya]

@jordanl103 Not when mommy is a lifetime screw up leaning on her kid instead of getting her lazy ass to work.

 

[jordanl103]

@lurya Nah, any time. Mother is mother. Plus likely has mental health problems, no one just chooses to struggle for fun. Which just makes you even worse for abandoning them.

Also getting to work isn't easy right now. Canada's been in a recession for 12 years straight, and has lost 100 000 jobs a month for the last 2.

Welcome to catching up with the rest of the world, get settled in for living with your great grandmother, grandmother, and mother. We're on the fast track to be like many Southern European states (Spain, Italy, Greece, Portugal) where youth unemployment is around 25%. I mean, even the Prime Minister said it. Canadians gotta adapt to multigenerational living for affordability going forward.

 

[lurya]

@jordanl103 Not everyone wants to play Martyr or Saviour of course lots of people are deluded enough to try.

Plenty of jobs out there for people with skills

blah blah blah excuses

 

[jordanl103]

@lurya Objectively false. We're losing 100 000 jobs a month.

And I know, North Americans abandon their kids at 18, their parents, their grandparents, their friends, their spouse at the first sign of not being able to financially or socially profiteer off them. Every man for himself.

 

[lurya]

@jordanl103 Wow you're finally getting it, good job!

 

[jordanl103]

@lurya Don't worry, everybody does. That's why we're not friends with any North Americans.

 

[lurya]

@jordanl103 Well I'm sure they would not miss much not having you as friends, really it's for the best.

 

[jordanl103]

@lurya Oh it's not just me. I don't know any immigrant with local friends. From school, work, or personal.

 

[angiasky89]

@jordanl103 Honestly I've got to agree with you, respectfully she seems to think she's a much larger part of his life than she is. They've only been togather 1 year and are not engaged, of course his mom would be his priority over her.

 

[bathelter01]

@oneservant That's a lot of words for a pretty simple issue... you already know it's fucked and wrong or you wouldn't have come here and put this much effort into typing all of that out.

I think you know this dude is trouble. Is this the kind of guy, with these type of ideas about money and his mother, that you want to commit to for the rest of your life? To possibly raise children with? How do you explain that dad lives in a van and there's no money for field trips because grandma doesn't wanna pay rent and hasn't had a job in a decade?

People will show you their true colors. Its up to you to believe them.

edit

Based on your post history it seems you dove into this very serious relationship very quickly. General rule of thumb is that it takes a year or two before you really get to know someone. If I were you... I'd take this as a lesson in the future. Don't rush into these things for this very reason, and cut your losses with this dude now before it becomes a much bigger issue for you down the line.

 

[esoteric55]

@oneservant you need a new partner.....and yes this is financial advice.

 

[psham]

@oneservant 3 million people in Toronto and you pick the one who wants to alternate between living with his mommy in some hare-brained real estate scheme and being homeless.

 

[mrs_rc]

@oneservant The biggest issue I see here, is that unless there's some contract in writing, he and his mom could pay back everything owing on the house plus the interest and then the friend just goes "lol, this is my house, thanks for paying the mortgage".

I mean there are many issues here, but this is the biggest for me.

 

[etujofily]

@oneservant I've had friends like this with grand idealistic ideas with no sense of reality. They were hard to be friends with, so I can't imagine how hard it would be to date someone like this.

If you can't sit him down and explain to him how horrible this idea is and that 1.3k/month rent on an 80K salary downtown is a STEAL, leave.

 

[meowland]

@oneservant Finance-wise, your partner has an absolutely terrible head on his shoulders.