Am I wrong to believe that my partner buying a house with his mom, plus getting a van to live in, is a terrible idea?

[oneservant]

Context: we’re both 28 in Toronto, been dating over a year. He makes 80k/year and is currently paying ~1.3k/mo in rent. He’s talked for a bit about buying a van to live in, then committed to doing it with a friend of ours about a month ago, starting next year.

Now, he’s saying he wants to buy a house instead because he’s tired of throwing his money at rent and not seeing returns from it. I fully get it, but he’s saying he wants to buy in the spring which is really quick…And with his mom, who would be his tenant.

The problems (imo):

• The way they’d plan on buying the house is by having his mom’s friend (rich) buy the house outright for them, and then they’d pay the friend back at a very low interest rate. More on this in a sec.
• He’s intermingled finances with his mom before, and it didn’t go well.
• I think he’s partially motivated by wanting to help his mom, who has struggled financially for most of his life. She also hasn’t worked in over 10 years, and seems to only get by between LOCs and money given by her own mom (ie partner’s grandma), who’s financially comfy.
• He’d have to commute an extra 45-60 mins x2 each day for work. His solve? Buy a van that he could live in 3x/week closer to work.
• He said he’d plan on buying with an SO (presumably me) in 3-5 years, and leave the house to his mom to live in where she’d keep paying him rent. Here’s where point #1 comes back in: how can he guarantee she’d give him rent? What does the mom’s friend do if they fall behind on payments? The friend would be taking the money from his mom. Who says that his mom isn’t going to say “I’m making the payments to friend, not you, so I own this place, not you”? Or that she won’t say “I partially own this place”? Who’s to say the friend won’t claim the house as hers? It’s just so messy to me.

What he’s saying:

• Buying a house on his own would mean living significantly farther from Toronto and having to commute to work even further. This option of buying with mom gives him access to a better place, and one that’s closer to Toronto.
• He trusts his mom because to him, this situation is different than past ones. He believes fully that the place will be his. He also believes that his mom is gonna start working again soon, but I have no idea where this idea is coming from.
• He doesn’t want to sit around slowly building up a down payment that likely won’t keep up with housing price increases, and forever be stuck renting. He’d rather buy something now and sell it in 3ish years. He says he’d have more cash in hand for a down payment than if he were to save up every month, maintain a solid portfolio in the market, and keep his housing costs low.

I think he’s underestimating how expensive buying & owning a place is, and I think this just is an all-around terrible, terrible idea.

Am I wrong? Any advice here? Thanks for your help & reading this far.

TLDR my partner wants to buy a house with his mom via his mom’s rich friend, but doesn’t plan on living it in for long, nor any more than 4 days/week, and I fear he’s screwing himself over in the long run vs. getting ahead like he feels he is by making this decision.

Edit: I do not live with my partner, he doesn’t financially support me in any way either. I would not be living with him, I’m just worried he’s making a bad call and unsure if I’m just wrong. Clarifying as there seems to be some confusion here.

 

[aym]

@oneservant Yikes! Your instincts are correct, it is a terrible idea.

Sounds like the mom's friend is buying a house and your SO and his mom would be the tenants. All other red flags aside, your SO would be commingling finances with not just his mom, but the friend too.

 

[oneservant]

@aym Thank you—I appreciate knowing that I’m not the only one seeing the red flags here. Re the friend, he seems to think she’d be giving him a loan plus ownership of the house. I guess this is doable and would depend on how they go about it.

 

[sarahz]

@oneservant lots of red flags but if there are solid contracts it could work.. probably your partner should try van life before making this commitment. still his mom seems to be a wildcard for paying rent

 

[oneservant]

@sarahz Good call re him trying out van life for a while first! I’ll suggest this to him. Thank you, and glad to know a solid contract between him and his mom’s friend could make this work. Agreed that the mom is a wildcard here though.

 

[a1limorepair]

@oneservant But how will he get a solid contract?
Surely the contract will come from the rich friend... the last person to trust in regards to this.

Does he have money for a lawyer, a good one? And if so will he spend it on a lawyer?

 

[oneservant]

@a1limorepair That’s a good point, too. A real estate/contract lawyer would be the way to go.

 

[mariiah]

@oneservant Also worth noting that initially the vast majority of mortgage payments go to interest, he won't have enough equity for a down-payment in 3 years, would be more like 10.

 

[oneservant]

@mariiah I didn’t know this, thanks for sharing!

 

[resjudicata]

@oneservant There is not a single aspect of this that seems like it is a good idea

 

[markedbychrist]

@oneservant Is the friend buying the place and she is in the property title (sole owner) and the just promised to hand it over later?

What if the friends passes away?

How is he going to sell the house later (if ever)?

 

[oneservant]

@markedbychrist All great questions, some of which I’ve had myself. I wish I could give you answers.

 

[galiaw]

@oneservant OP...we've heard about your partner, what's your financial contribution to the relationship?

 

[oneservant]

@galiaw What do you mean? The two of us don’t live together. I tend to treat us to surprise outings more than he does, but am happy to do it and things feel overall balanced.

Is the assumption that I’m going to live with him in this house? I’m not going to, he’s doing all of this on his own. My concerns are that he’s making a big financial mistake for himself. I’m thinking about a future together too (he and I do talk about this), and I’m thinking about how this decision of his could impact our (very equal) future together.

 

[a1limorepair]

@oneservant If you do get married I'd suggest a pre-nup to protect yourself from his poor decisions.

 

[oneservant]

@a1limorepair Sadly this is something I’m considering now.

 

[theperfectbone]

@oneservant You didn't mention your contributions or income. Maybe he thinks you're a freeloader and therefore just wants to go ahead with his life his way.

 

[oneservant]

@theperfectbone Huh lol? Is it possible that my post is confusing and needs to be clarified?

I’d continue living in my own place that I rent and pay for on my own. He does not financially support me at all—if anything I’ve been contributing more to our relationship financially than he has, and I’ve been more than okay with it. I’m not sure where you’re getting freeloader vibes from.

 

[mss91z28]

@oneservant

buy the house outright for them, and then they’d pay the friend back at a very low interest rate.

That could still easily be all his take home pay.

 

[oneservant]

@mss91z28 That’s what I’m thinking, too. His rent is already really low. He’d likely be committing to at least double in housing costs, not leaving him a lot aside for much else, esp considering the van purchase and such.