23 y/o F in Vancouver, I feel hopeless and lost

[widower]

@kenneths If you weren’t renting from your parents, would someone else rent instead? If so, then at least they have that same income coming in.

Either way, a healthy you is probably better for their long term future.

If you’re able to take care of yourself first, then you’ll have more strength to spare to help them later.

Sorry if this doesn’t resonate as worthwhile. Commenters like me are only working from limited information.

Best wishes.

 

[greengrace]

@kenneths “My parent is abusive but I can’t move out with roommates to escape this because I want to help them pay down their debt” please read this 12 times and realize how wild it sounds. You are subjecting yourself to abuse so you can help your abuser? Why?????

 

[numenorian]

@greengrace This might be unpopular, specially in this subreddit, but helping your family is not an objective decision.

You love or hate them and make otherwise unwise decisions because of that.

 

[kenneths]

@greengrace I don't feel like writing my life story here but there are other benefits of living at home too, the biggest one being that I do not pay for internet or groceries (which is the biggest). Between two jobs and taking the MCATs, time is really important for me as well. This saves time. Parental abuse is also not as linear (or maybe it is and I'm just too chicken to cut ties completely) but it is really hard to cut them out completely for reasons I don't want to get into. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to my family.

 

[greengrace]

@kenneths Maybe you can’t cut off contact entirely, but you don’t have to live with them. Getting yourself out of a situation that you say is causing your ED and anxiety, and giving your mental health a fighting chance before you decide whether to put yourself on a high stress, high debt educational path…seems obvious to me regardless of the cost of groceries.

 

[gmenroc]

@kenneths My parents aren't abusive but I live with them and sometimes it can be stressful (i.e fights that would never occur with a halfway-sane roommate).

Does their behaviour ever put you in an emotional state such that your studying is affected? Sometimes I think that I'd have to spend an extra 45 minutes a day cooking and doing miscellaneous errands, but maybe it's worth it to avoid having a stressful environment.

Sometimes when things are tense I find myself completely unable to study because I'm too emotional. I think that from a time perspective I'd be better off doing everything myself if it meant I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted.

You can do food cheap, healthy, and quickly too. Some cans of soup, some sandwiches, eggs are all things that can be whipped up in a minute while taking a study break.

Stuff like laundry and dishes are other things you can fit into a 15 minute window when your brain will simply not let you cram more information in it.

Maybe it's still not the right decision for you, but it's something to think about

 

[monyean]

@kenneths You can join us over at r/asianparentstories

As someone who have had abusive Asian parents, the best thing i did was get away from them as soon as I could

 

[drval2020]

@monyean I never knew this existed. Incredible. I am not alone.

 

[rivka]

@monyean Holy shit thanks for letting me know this existed! This is wild!!

*Edit I really want to go on a reading binge and yet I'm terrified about the inevitable rabbit hole.

 

[bornagainbabyinchrist]

@kenneths Why don't you find another place with roommates (doesn't have to be a dorm)? That'll cut down living costs a lot. You can split internet costs, and groceries can be 200-400 depending on your diet. It is a small sacrifice to make for mental freedom.

 

[christianpurpose]

@kenneths Get a basement apartment or something, your parents debt is not your problem and paying 600 to them will not make a dent on that. Please take care of yourself and don’t think that if you want to live by yourself is you are doing a disservice to them. Also don’t over think about the housing market you being solo it’s very hard to get into it, you are better off getting a apartment for now until you find someone else to double your income.

 

[vicsho77]

@kenneths Med school is really hard to get into, I’ve heard of people today not getting in even with a 4.0. Not to discourage you, but it’s important to have a fallback. Have you thought of pharmacy as a possible fallback? Dentistry?

Med school is also very expensive but if you graduate and get residency, I’ve heard banks will give you a great mortgage despite residents making a really low salary.

I’d suggest moving somewhere like Newfoundland, if you’re more left-leaning, where it’s affordable.

 

[blessed2oo]

@vicsho77 For the love of God people need to stop putting their hopes into getting a med school acceptance in Canada.

We have the ultra competitiveness of the European system and the protracted licensing system of the States l in one system.

There's way too many applicants for the amount of seats there are and a lot of these people would be better off not putting all their eggs in one basket. Medical school in Canada doesn't even require science prerequisites anymore.

Just get a marketable undergraduate degree apply to med school and if you don't get in the first time you have a strong back up.

This goes for any Healthcare profession, the government sets the amount of residency spots it's going to be super competitive because that's by Design

 

[fmiguel]

@blessed2oo +1

Not to mention OP already has issues with mental stress management. Med school isnt going to help that, and being a doctor isnt exactly a stress free job.

 

[telsa]

@vicsho77 Nursing

@OP look into BScN programs to become a RN. Pay is decent, good job stability, and good career prospects. Yes, burnout is high but it's a good base to get yourself financially independent. First year FT RN salaries average ~70-75,000 CAD.

 

[bone097]

@vicsho77 Dentistry costs 60k a year even within country…

 

[resjudicata]

@vicsho77 Or even New Brunswick. They are in real need of healthcare workers. And depending where you are, the cost of living is good.
(I live in NB working for Government and it’s great, and actually in Newfoundland right now for work and I think the cost of living is good depending where you are as well)

Atlantic is great.
(

 

[marysweep]

@vicsho77 Value for dollar, I think a pharmacy education gives you the best bang for your buck, and work-life balance... Everyone says they want to go to med school, but for most, the work-life balance while in clinical practice isn't what they expected... It's very tough being a practicing Dr these days, and for some, the money-work-life balance isn't worth it...

 

[edgeofhaven]

@marysweep Pharmacy wages have been stagnant for a very long time now and are unlikely to increase going forward. It was considered good pay when I graduated 15 years ago, but I don't think it is worth it any more, especially with the higher cost of tuition when they switched to a PharmD program. New grads are not always getting FT hours right away either and I've heard they are getting even less than $40/hour.

 

[meriposa]

@marysweep If anyone here is thinking about going into pharmacy you should read this first:

https://www.reddit.com/r/UofT/comments/jftc2z