23 y/o F in Vancouver, I feel hopeless and lost

[kenneths]

Grew up under immigrant parents who knew nothing about money or finances. The one parent who I do live with is around 200k in debt but I am not close enough to them or willing to help out.

I graduated from UofT last year (studied both the arts and the sciences) and moved back to my hometown, Vancouver because Toronto rent was insane. My parent is emotionally abusive and manipulative (fueled my eating disorder and was suicidal when I was in high school so it was really hard on me mentally because I always wondered if I was going to come home from school to a dead parent) but I came back because I could not afford Toronto.

Right now I make around 45k/yr without taxes working in healthcare (I applied to around 100 jobs last fall and this was the one that gave me the most amount of pay). I pay my parent $600/mo for rent (and I cannot pay any less). I've thought about renting with others but I lived in a dorm for 3 years already and will only do it again as a last resort. Even if I do not like my family, my $600 being used to pay even a miniscule amount for the debt feels better to me.

I would love to have my own place someday as being with my family is supercharging my eating disorder again. I'd like to get help for this too but dieticians AND a therapist is way too costly for me... I got covered at UofT and the school dietician there was very helpful but I'm someone who needs a lot of help when it comes to food. I'd ideally like to talk to someone weekly but it is very, very costly. I've also been struggling a lot with social anxiety due to this eating disorder and I need help but everywhere I've asked has been very far (I don't have a car and I commute) or very expensive.

However, looking at the cost of housing in Vancouver, I can't see myself being able to afford a decent home with this salary anytime in my future. I don't have a lot in my savings as I've just started working and even if I had $100k it looks like I could really only afford a mortgage of around $350k based on TD Bank's calculator. And I don't even have $100k saved up.

I'm currently studying to go to medical school but this is absolutely not a guarantee and will take a while. I am stuck, terrified of thinking that if I don't get accepted, this will just be the rest of my life. Living with my family is taking a huge toll on me mentally as I'm someone who really needs her own space to think. I don't know if these are legitimate concerns or if I'm blowing things out of proportion because of my anxiety. I tried so hard but I'm so tired commuting every day, working 2 jobs (I had 3 until I got really sick overexerting myself), and I have little to no support or guidance. I wish I could just be a sugar baby or something but I'm not cute enough for that either lol... I just don't know what to do and would appreciate any tips or advice. I'm just so tired.

Edit: thank you to everyone who DMed me such kind words of encouragement, hope, and personal stories. I am definitely looking for a more realistic approach to things but many of the tips have been invaluable and your kindness will not go unnoticed.

 

[guitarrandy]

@kenneths Is this more of a vent, rather than a real look at housing options.

As someone with parents that weren't there the best, I feel for you. With your mindset, you are set on "toughing it out"

Mental freedom and financial shackles OR.

Financial freedom and mental shackles

 

[barefootinbeth]

@guitarrandy Do the mental shackles for a few years and SAVE, then you might find a way to do the best of both worlds

 

[etujofily]

@barefootinbeth Coming from an immigrant family that was emotionally damaging, it’s honestly not worth it. Within 30 minutes of visiting either of them I tend to feel like jumping off a bridge.

 

[jeruel]

@kenneths Would it be safe for you to try and get a job in a remote area of Canada? I know some people have had real financial success going to rural areas, especially up north, making bank working govt jobs that people who own homes or have familles aren't willing to relocate for, and then moving back to where they want to be after a couple of years. If your background is in healthcare I suspect there's a need for your skillset

 

[yunus061]

@jeruel I don't recommend this at all, especially if OP is already struggling mental health wise. There are next to no supports and resources offered in remote parts of Canada, and people that live in those places are generally not welcoming to outsiders who are just there for money. I speak from a significant amount of experience. OP - you'd be set financially, but you will have zero supports, you'll be isolated, and you may not be welcomed by locals so it would be challenging in many other ways. This is not good advice.

 

[kenneths]

@jeruel Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I wouldn't be opposed to living remotely in Canada at all but again, I'd rather my rent money go to my parents than see it leak somewhere else. I have a very unique skillset due to my education but it cannot be applied broadly--I actually think it was well-suited for government jobs as funnily enough, the only jobs who called me back were from healthcare or from the courts but they were both entry-level clerk jobs. Only having 3-4 employers call back after 100 applications really took a toll on me mentally as well, though it seems like that's the norm these days. I'm not even sure where I'd start looking for well-paying remote government jobs who would also be wiling to help me relocate, because I don't have the money to do that on my own either...

 

[newchristianwoman11]

@kenneths You want your rent money to go to your parents but living with them is wreaking havoc on your mental health. Read that again. You'll need to make a decision on what's most important to you right now.

 

[brimarie001]

@newchristianwoman11 Yep this is a great point. You are spending money to ruin your mental health. Sorry OP to hear you are in this situation.

My suggestion: health care workers are currently in demand now more than ever. Look at your options to move elsewhere. Agreed Toronto is very expensive but there are a lot of Southern Ontario cities and towns that are less so. You could easily move to and work from the Landon’s, Hamilton’s and Windsors. Rent will be cheaper. You aren’t that far from big city amenities. Plus if you have friends from undergrad you’ll have a built in network.

 

[donovb]

@newchristianwoman11 They are still family and her good nature still pushes her to care for them nothing wrong with that

 

[jaimea1]

@donovb There is absolutely something wrong with that.

She was saying it's making an eating disorder worse.

This really means the OP needs to work on their mindset and priorities

 

[devinbaker]

@kenneths I’m a nurse but have worked in a fairly diverse amount of rural and remote health care settings. Feel free to PM me with your skill set and I can let you know if I have any leads if I can think of any.

 

[resjudicata]

@kenneths 1) if you need some free mental health help, and are in Vancouver area, Access and Assessment Centre can get you a 1-1.5 hr meeting with a psychiatrist to do an assessment, but then you have to do the follow ups with family doc/walk-in.

2) Don't feel discouraged about not getting call backs from job applications. Often places are required to post positions even if they already have someone in mind. Applying for job postings is not actually the best way to get a job. Do some research on some companies you're interested in and try to reach out to someone that works with them and ask to have a coffee. Don't have expectations for a job, just meet with them and ask questions. Often people are willing give advice and might have connections. This is exactly how I got my first job after graduation.

3) if you're living in a toxic environment, don't rationalize staying there. It's not worth it.

 

[jeruel]

@kenneths Very fair! I haven't done nearly as much research as you have but I notice the positions on northwest territories do pay for relocation costs: https://www.gov.nt.ca/careers/en/health

 

[sevensong]

@jeruel Don't even need to go up to NWT. Even rural BC are starving of healthcare staff of all kinds (but especially doctors). Actually the same for most provinces too

 

[jef1225]

@sevensong Rural AB here- yup they’re hiring all positions constantly here too.
Local crappy apartments are $650 a month including gas.
Local nicer places for $1000 a month. Home prices actually dropped a bit over the past couple years too. Anyone looking to get back on thier feet financially and works in health care has many options

 

[tonyfran]

@jef1225 Also in AB. Lots of jobs in healthcare and you could still live in Edmonton or Calgary. Rent / home ownership in AB is far lower than Van / TO.

Look after yourself for a few years, and build up your net worth. Then you can decide to jump back somewhere if you don't like it here.

AB isn't the most amazing province, but I'm glad I was born here for opportunities and cost of living. Getting ahead in other places like TO or Van is way harder.

Stay strong, you got this!

My $0.02.

 

[flowerbox12]

@kenneths Is Canadian Armed Forces a option for you? I knew a guy who was deep in debt and went that route. Got paid uni and living expenses for promising 3 years after grad. He did dental school, worked 3 years on a base in Edmonton. He was able to buy out a practice in a small town and is living the life.

 

[marci]

@kenneths I my experience and from what I hear from others 3-4 callbacks on 100 applications is really good for competitive fields

 

[christschild13]

@kenneths Apply to CRA. SP04 starts at high 50s